Who Am I?
Who Am I: Part I
Did you see posters advertising the "Who Am I" program in May, presented by Bnos Melachim? I did, figured it was yet another tznius speech, and didn't go to the show. But I saw a review of the show this week, and it made me wonder...
Why is it called Bnos Melachim (daughters of kings) and not Bnos Melech (King's daughters)? How many kings do they serve by following the halachos of tznius? I serve Hashem, my One King. Oh, I know: Maybe their other melachim are the chumradika rabbonim. ;)
Do they really think someone can "upgrade" her level of tznius and be "more tzniusdik"? By definition, either you're following the rules of tznius or you're not. You can't follow them more, can you? You're not "more" tzniusdik when you wear a long-sleeve, Oxford shirt buttoned to the collar (with a tznius button sewn in) instead of a comfy, not skin-tight tee shirt with 3/4 sleeves. Either way you're tzniusdik, but one way you're attracting more attention by dressing even more differently than the rest of the world. And doesn't that contradict tznius, by drawing attention to yourself with the "weird" way you're dressing?
I saw a frum-looking bearded man today who was handing out flyers for a local store. A teenage girl in a pretty, pastel pleated skirt and white top passed him to cross the street, and he turned to look at her. She was dressed completely tzniusdikly, down to the tights and loafers. So if a guy wants to look, he'll look no matter what you're wearing.
Who Am I: Part II
I was recently wondering about myself, too. Am I so upset that people don't follow rules because I follow the rules, or do I follow the rules because people don't and someone has to? It doesn't matter whether it's parking rules, no U-turn rules, covering your elbows rules, or basic manners like holding the door for someone. Do I get upset because I'm the only one doing it right, or am I doing it right so that someone will?
I remember that when I was 6 years old, no one in my class liked one teacher. I consciously decided to like her, because it would be too horrible to teach a class where no one liked you. Am I still doing that today?
Did you see posters advertising the "Who Am I" program in May, presented by Bnos Melachim? I did, figured it was yet another tznius speech, and didn't go to the show. But I saw a review of the show this week, and it made me wonder...
Why is it called Bnos Melachim (daughters of kings) and not Bnos Melech (King's daughters)? How many kings do they serve by following the halachos of tznius? I serve Hashem, my One King. Oh, I know: Maybe their other melachim are the chumradika rabbonim. ;)
Do they really think someone can "upgrade" her level of tznius and be "more tzniusdik"? By definition, either you're following the rules of tznius or you're not. You can't follow them more, can you? You're not "more" tzniusdik when you wear a long-sleeve, Oxford shirt buttoned to the collar (with a tznius button sewn in) instead of a comfy, not skin-tight tee shirt with 3/4 sleeves. Either way you're tzniusdik, but one way you're attracting more attention by dressing even more differently than the rest of the world. And doesn't that contradict tznius, by drawing attention to yourself with the "weird" way you're dressing?
I saw a frum-looking bearded man today who was handing out flyers for a local store. A teenage girl in a pretty, pastel pleated skirt and white top passed him to cross the street, and he turned to look at her. She was dressed completely tzniusdikly, down to the tights and loafers. So if a guy wants to look, he'll look no matter what you're wearing.
Who Am I: Part II
I was recently wondering about myself, too. Am I so upset that people don't follow rules because I follow the rules, or do I follow the rules because people don't and someone has to? It doesn't matter whether it's parking rules, no U-turn rules, covering your elbows rules, or basic manners like holding the door for someone. Do I get upset because I'm the only one doing it right, or am I doing it right so that someone will?
I remember that when I was 6 years old, no one in my class liked one teacher. I consciously decided to like her, because it would be too horrible to teach a class where no one liked you. Am I still doing that today?
posted by Tova @ 6/28/2006 10:08:00 PM
11 Comments:
At July 03, 2006 2:04 PM,
Morah said…
You're probably a bit of both.
You always empathized with people and you're a considerate person by nature. You're also a model citizen (and parent!)- always following rules, because you know their benefit. If you don't want to follow a rule, it's usually because you don't see its benefit, not because you're a "li'hachis'nik" or rabble-rouser.
You probably get upset because it's not always enjoyable to get punished for other's crimes. You follow rules and they don't, yet you're always included by default.
Halevai there should be more like you! One step at a time, you'll inspire more around you.
Don't think too much - we love you the way you are!
At July 04, 2006 10:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
not sure who you are....
At July 27, 2006 1:41 PM,
SephardiLady said…
I too always thought that the term Melech was referring to Hashem. So, Melachim would clearly be incorrect.
Oh well, what's dikduk for anyways.
At August 10, 2006 10:51 PM,
Mrs. said…
just checking in to say hi
At August 13, 2006 8:58 AM,
Tova said…
Thanks for checking up on me. I've been busy and not in a blogging mood lately. :(
At August 15, 2006 12:36 AM,
Morah said…
Where's Tova? Maybe we can meet up or something...
At May 18, 2009 5:55 PM,
Shuli Liss said…
I haven't read your other blogs and therefore do not know who you are, but I'm surprised that you would want to publically degrade an organisation that is trying to help us behave in a manner that is more in tune with what HaShem wants for us.
I have just returned from a presentation from this organisation, and learnt some invaluable lessons.
Whether you decide to wear the 3/4 sleeve t-shirt or button down blouse was not the issue, and I'm sure that with your blog you would want to encourage others to improve their Avodat HaShem - in any way they can. I googled Bnos Melachim to find out about something they had mentioned - and found your blog - you never know who might read this - so please be careful with your words.
Forgive me if I am offending you, I really mean this for the good.
At May 19, 2009 12:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
Do you honestly think there's no difference between the two ways of dressing that you mentioned? One may turn heads, as you clearly indicated, and one makes you less noticeable. There IS a difference, and there are millions of different nuances in Tznius besides. Think about this: Do you wear a nightgown outside of your bedroom? With sleeves, or without? Only with a robe on top? Will you walk outside to throw out the trash without socks on? There are SO many little nuances of tznius, that even the person with the button down shirt with the extra tznius button can find some way to improve on this. There's Halachah, and then there's the spirit of the law. Rabbi Frand Shlita once repeated a story about a woman who had a dress made and said to the dressmaker "make the sleeves long, the collar high, and the length long, but make it very attractive" (only she didn't use the word attractive). Please don't knock the work of this organization. And please, forgive me if I have upset you in any way - You are my sister (even if I don't know who you are)!
At July 14, 2009 3:56 PM,
miss anony said…
I dont know if you check back here but I too googled bnos melachim and was shocked to read your critisism of such a wonerful org. If you feel it's not for you, then do as we were taught as children "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" and btw, if you'd read their publications, you'd see they're called "daughters of royalty"- that's why it's melachim
At July 14, 2009 5:54 PM,
Anonymous said…
Reading the "criticism" makes me laugh. In 2006 I called Bnos Melachim and asked why the organization isn't called Bnos Melech. The secretary didn't know.
At October 20, 2009 4:26 PM,
Anonymous said…
I just finished watching the "Two Worlds" presentation and unintentionally came across your blog while googling B'nos Melachim. It pains me that what is such an inspiration for thousands around the world arouses such negative feelings in you. You sound like an intelligent and spiritual person - someone who others may look to for guidance. My hope is that, from here on, you will use these kochos (and this very public forum) to elevate instead of devastate.
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