Yom Tova

Consumer Reports rates infant car seats

2007-01-06T21:42:00.000-05:00

Car seat crash ratings from Consumer Reports. I hope you've all got safe ones! The good news: my kids aren't in infant seats anymore. :)

From their site:
Three seats failed all our tough tests: the Evenflo Discovery, the Graco SafeSeat, and the Britax Companion, formerly our top-rated seat based on earlier tests that mirrored the federal standard. Most other tested seats passed either the front- or side-crash test in some configuration, though only the Baby Trend Flex-Loc and the Graco SnugRide with EPS passed all our tests. (EPS stands for expanded polystyrene, a cushioning material.)

Some Britax Companion seats were recalled in October 2006 because carriers were assembled incorrectly; we tested a later model. The Evenflo Discovery, which we deem Not Acceptable and believe should be recalled, was the subject of a NHTSA investigation in 2004 after the agency received seven reports about the carrier separating from its base. (Evenflo received 52 reports, 6 involving fatalities, NHTSA says.) NHTSA said it could not identify a safety defect and closed the investigation.

The Eddie Bauer Comfort infant seat also had problems, specifically in our fit-to-vehicle test of one of two bases sold with the seat. Because of that test result we judge the seat Not Acceptable and believe the base should be recalled.

DD's former school's graduates "burned" in a comment

2007-01-04T21:42:00.000-05:00

I followed links this lovely, which is pretty funny in a sad way. I'm glad we're not in that school anymore. :)
---
Still Wonderin' said...
"Anonymous said...Why, do [DD's former school] graduates irritate you? I kinda take offense to that.Maybe you're just a little intimidated???"

Certainly not intimidated. More like appalled. But it's not their fault really. Rather, [the school] has the most distorted, perverted, deranged, and stultifyingly shallow East 20s hashgafa known to frumkind; the teachers and principals dutifully drill incessantly into their students' heads from the day they enter first grade.

This hashgafa is entirely focused on how you look, what others think, and that being creative or different in any way is sorta nice provided that you never, ever forget for a moment that your opinions and interests don;t really count beyond planning the color scheme for your next parlor meeting.

This experience and schools that emulate these ideals are the cause of Hot Chanieism.
-----
Gotta love it.

Gotta wonder about the insanity in Israel, with clothing store white lists and no more "higher" education for teachers. I'm so glad that I don't live there, and I'm afraid that the insanity will continue to spread.

Still Wondering has a great comment about that too, on yet another blog:
The Rambam, hundreds of years ago, lauded the middle road for a reason: because the left of the road is off the derech and the right of the road is off their rocker!

The events that are happening in EY and the US with our chareidi brethren is not positive. It is the self-destruction of yiddishkeit. It's going to reach the point of no return and there will be a MAJOR rift in frumkeit and it will not end well.

Be afraid. Be very afraid!

semgirl

2006-12-21T21:38:00.000-05:00

Look at what SemGirl has to say about the tznius speech in Lakewood.

From a position of weakness...

2006-12-14T21:02:00.000-05:00

Sweet Rose had this important point to make about today's frum schools:

"What this one-size-fits-all education is also doing is sending the message that there is only one acceptable path in life. The schools teach the students that they should all aspire to learn in kollel, that a college education is a bad thing, that secular culture is evil and should be avoided. But to me, that's teaching from a place of weakness, rather than strength. The message being sent is that we are all too weak to handle any challenges, that any kind of temptation must be taken away from before us in order to be able to function as an Orthodox Jew. I think this makes us even weaker - when we are not taught how to handle any temptation or challenge, we subsequently become unable to handle it when we have to. It's like a muscle. If it is worked, it becomes stronger and more capable of handling resistance and of lifting the weights it opposes."

(Stress is mine.)

Check out her whole post. She's got some other good points, too, including some here.

What a difference a school makes

2006-11-22T20:19:00.000-05:00

I took my kids to a friend's house one recent Shabbos. A few days later, the friend told me that her husband had commented that my princess seems much happier.

This week there was a big Chumash event in Princess's grade, with poster projects (made with family assistance), singing with motions, duets and trios that I think included everyone from the 2 classes, and then receiving the Chumashim as they walked off the stage, in order of how they were standing on stage. I was so glad, because that way I knew when to have the camera ready!

In contrast, last year's siddur event in the old school had randomly distributed siddurim, and the person distributing them couldn't even read a few of the girls' names. Very unimpressive, and upsetting since I missed my daughter's turn. And last year my daughter didn't have a duet/trio, only some girls did even though it was just the one class. And last year when she got her Chumash, there was no parent-participation at all; the girls just had to wear Shabbos dresses to school, "but the dress has to be tzniusdik." Duh.

After thanking the teacher and principal, we left the Chumash play. My friend said, "That was very nice."
I said, "Yeah, there was nothing to complain about at all!"
She said, "You know, every time we left the school last year I was so upset, so irritated, and every time I leave this school, I'm uplifted!" I agreed, it's a great feeling! So not only are our girls happier, we are, too. :)

How funny

2006-11-22T20:12:00.000-05:00

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

This is especially funny because on another quiz (quickware personality profile) I rated 0 on "agreeableness." :) I guess it depends on how the questions are phrased. That quiz, which I found on a friend's blog, rated me:

Neuroticism 58

Extraversion 29

Openness To Experience 12

Agreeableness 0

Conscientiousness 90

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. Stressful and frustrating situations can often be upsetting to you, but you are sometimes able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. As a practical person you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

Quick Update

2006-11-12T08:59:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't posted in so long! I've been busy heavily editing a book that is finally almost done. I've also been busy taking my kids around NY for Succos vacation (and on Election Day when there was a BJE conference and therefore no school, which the kids and I are still happy with).

I hope I'll have more time to write more later!

Let the Good Times Roll

2006-09-14T22:13:00.000-04:00

Wow, what a busy summer. We had a great vacation, did fun stuff, and I didn’t have to cook supper. What more can anyone ask, right?

I’m sure you’re all wondering how the new school is working out for my princess. I wanted to wait a week before posting, to make sure it really is going well and that her total excitement on the first day wasn’t a fluke. :)

She’s got off the bus the first day saying school was “great!” and she did not stop talking for a while, telling me about teachers (she likes them) and girls and getting a front seat in class and having a classmate make her a sandwich at lunch… She’s one of those kids who used to answer, “Fine,” when asked how her day was, so this was really thrilling.

After a few days she complained that she doesn’t like two things: they’re still reviewing (duh!), and saying “tuf” instead of “suf” is confusing her when she’s davening, so all the “ss” sounds are coming out “tt” unless she thinks about it, which “makes davening take so long.”

I reminded her that every year, every single school and every single grade starts with review so that the kids remember (“I do already!”) and so that teacher knows what the kids already know; this way, she won’t have to teach it again. (That made her happy.) And the more kriah she practices, the easier the tt/ss will get.

Old School Update: This week the old figurehead dean of the old school called me to find out why my daughter’s not in his school anymore. Turns out, he didn’t even know about the pre1a sleeves idiocy, and the bas melech sleeves inappropriateness, and got very upset by it. “Of course it’s not right! I’m going to have to look into this,” were his very words. I’m not really too hopeful, because if he had any real say in the school anymore, the rule wouldn’t be in effect for the third year already. :(

He also told me a really weird story at the beginning of his call, apparently to justify moving to the right. Can someone explain how this is a good thing? Here’s the story:
A man took his son to the seforim store before his bar mitzvah, to buy a siddur. The man asked the salesman for the biggest, thickest siddur he could find. The salesman, of course, asked why. “Because I know he’ll tear out pages, and this way he’ll have more to tear out.”

Why in the world is it a good thing to expect your kid to throw away what you’ve taught is the correct thing to do? Why is that a reason to not change schools? I’m really confused. But the rabbi said that if I change my mind, I’m welcome to come in and talk to him. I said I appreciate that.

Who Am I?

2006-06-28T22:08:00.000-04:00

Who Am I: Part I
Did you see posters advertising the "Who Am I" program in May, presented by Bnos Melachim? I did, figured it was yet another tznius speech, and didn't go to the show. But I saw a review of the show this week, and it made me wonder...

Why is it called Bnos Melachim (daughters of kings) and not Bnos Melech (King's daughters)? How many kings do they serve by following the halachos of tznius? I serve Hashem, my One King. Oh, I know: Maybe their other melachim are the chumradika rabbonim. ;)

Do they really think someone can "upgrade" her level of tznius and be "more tzniusdik"? By definition, either you're following the rules of tznius or you're not. You can't follow them more, can you? You're not "more" tzniusdik when you wear a long-sleeve, Oxford shirt buttoned to the collar (with a tznius button sewn in) instead of a comfy, not skin-tight tee shirt with 3/4 sleeves. Either way you're tzniusdik, but one way you're attracting more attention by dressing even more differently than the rest of the world. And doesn't that contradict tznius, by drawing attention to yourself with the "weird" way you're dressing?

I saw a frum-looking bearded man today who was handing out flyers for a local store. A teenage girl in a pretty, pastel pleated skirt and white top passed him to cross the street, and he turned to look at her. She was dressed completely tzniusdikly, down to the tights and loafers. So if a guy wants to look, he'll look no matter what you're wearing.

Who Am I: Part II
I was recently wondering about myself, too. Am I so upset that people don't follow rules because I follow the rules, or do I follow the rules because people don't and someone has to? It doesn't matter whether it's parking rules, no U-turn rules, covering your elbows rules, or basic manners like holding the door for someone. Do I get upset because I'm the only one doing it right, or am I doing it right so that someone will?

I remember that when I was 6 years old, no one in my class liked one teacher. I consciously decided to like her, because it would be too horrible to teach a class where no one liked you. Am I still doing that today?

Horrified by Shmirah Bidrachim

2006-06-25T20:36:00.000-04:00

Have you seen this ad that I copied from Orthomom? As a summer insurance policy, pay these guys 40 cents a day and 2,000 kids will say Tehillim and tefillos for your safe arrival. I guess saying Tefillas Haderech yourself doesn't work anymore...

The ad is on many lampposts and utility poles in my neighorhood, and my jaw dropped the first time I read it. It's so creepy!

I'm not alone

2006-06-13T21:14:00.000-04:00

Orthomom's daughter "wants" long sleeves. I commented a bunch of times on her post, in case you want to see. What do you think of her commenters, and her post in general?

I'm back

2006-06-11T21:16:00.000-04:00

I'm back, now that I've finished overworking myself for the past 8 weeks or so.

I just read a book with one plotline about the Israeli chareidi problem of having to buy apartments in order to marry off the girls, so seeing SephardiLady's post about the chareidi shidduch crisis was pretty funny. It's also so sad that the solution in both cases is to get other people's money involved. Not, heaven forbid, to not commit to buying an apartment, or gasp! not expect to marry only kollel boys. Or to learn the skills to support yourself. Sigh.

Turned off

2006-04-03T21:43:00.000-04:00

Another great post about yeshiva education, by Harry.

In his post, Harry talks about Dr. Schick's article in The Jewish Press (3/29/06), "He Who Destroys a Single Jewish Life..." Harry says:
Dr. Schick on the other hand was quite clear that the issue was not in the modalities for opting out [tv, internet] but in the Yeshiva system itself. That system is in large part responsible for what is happening now. Because instead of trying to bring children into Yiddishkeit which was one of the early hallmarks of the day school movement, they are currently turning good kids away... and for the wrong reasons. And for those that are in the system the threshold of acceptable behavior is so high that all but the most conforming of students become worthy of consideration of expulsion.

Even those who have good behavior patterns can easily fall through the cracks because they cannot “keep up” with the learning standards and goals imposed by the school. If you add it all up... there are a lot of children exposed to the lure of “opting out” of Yiddishkeit. These children’s sense of self worth is virtually destroyed. It is impossible to be successful at anything when there is no self esteem.

Chanoch L’Naar Al Pi Darko does not really exist in practice. It exists only as an unpracticed and ill defined concept that is only paid attention to in lip service. And this is in large part what is creating a pool of children at risk. In effect by trying to artificially have a standard of Chinuch Al Pi Taharas HaKodeh (which is an oft heard phrase in RW circles) they have created an institution which produces a radical rejectionist society with exclusionary attitudes about the rest of Torah Jewry.

I recommend that everyone read Dr. Schick’s article carefully and then urge their school boards to reject the elitism that is causing so much damage to Klal Yisroel. Their intentions may be to produce a society Al Taharas HaKodesh but the road that it is really paving is strewn with Jewish souls and leads somewhere else ...not quite so holy.

Wow. Now run to the Jewish Press to read Dr. Schick's article. Strong stuff by Dr. Schick! I'm impressed by the article, especially when Dr. Schick says:

In Israel, where exposure to popular culture in haredi homes is extremely limited, it is understood that at-riskness arises primarily from students not being able to keep up with the intensive yeshiva regimen or not being interested in religious studies or other similar school-based or home-based factors. But because modernity and its sins are a convenient and for some an irresistible target, we choose to ignore the role played by educational factors and attribute our losses to the Internet. It is convenent to ignore how exclusionary policies beget at-risk children.

I am appalled by the announcement by Lakewood yeshivas and Beth Jacobs that all children in homes that are Internet-accessible and have not received the requisite approvals from local rabbis will be expelled. All children! The very thought should be repugnant. In order to possibly prevent some children from being at risk, we are prepared to take innocent Jewish children and make certain that they will be at risk! Not only is this wrongful policy announced, it is lauded in the recent Jewish Observer issue devoted to the at-risk problem – and by a respected Torah personality.

I love when people agree with me. Before you say, "don't just agree, do something!" remember that I recently told both principals and the president of my daughter's current school that they're turning me off. Not off the derech, but off their new derech and away from their school. Maybe I should send them a clipping of the article...

Did it!

2006-03-29T22:07:00.000-05:00

We registered the princess at the new school. She aced all the interviews/screenings, and we were asked to register immediately. So we did!

It's such a relief to have finally finished making the decision!

Last week I spoke to both of her current principals, and they heard me out. Of course, they're still in denial that there's really a problem, but they did listen to me, thinking they can convince me not to change schools. One principal is rethinking the upcoming TV-free week contest after I said the kids w/o TV are going to win the contest w/o a problem; the kids who barely watch, like mine, won't notice they didn't watch; and the kids who watch daily till Mom comes home will just cry, "Mommy, you need to sign that I didn't watch so I can get the prize." And what will that teach them? The other principal sent me the recently nauseating program for my "input." I hope they'll keep my changes.

Almost there - quick update

2006-03-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

My daughter had her pre-interview screening, and impressed the socks off the therapist who tested her. When I brought her to school afterward, I talked to one principal who heard me request the transcripts. That afternoon the other principal called me. I told both of them exactly what's wrong with their school, and was asked for my input on the recent project that disgusted me. :) I was also begged not to leave, but, flattering as that is, I can't stand the idea of having to fight every step of the way for the next who-knows-how-many years. So we have our new school interview scheduled.

While I'm thrilled to finally be taking the step, it's also a little scary. I hope we'll be thrilled with the new school, because I don't know what to do if we aren't.

Even closer

2006-03-14T23:10:00.000-05:00

Hope you had a happy Purim! I did, B"H, and even sorted the candy for work/candy my kids can have/chocolate/wafers/baked goods. :-)

I also told more people about the school idiocy, and that we're most likely switching schools for next year. I gave in the application and scheduled the pre-interview screening. I called the school to ask for transcripts to be sent, but was told the girl who does it is out till after Purim so I'll have to call again.

But I'm feeling much better now that I've made a decision!

Great posts about at-risk kids

2006-03-05T01:05:00.000-05:00

These 3 posts all make some excellent points about kids at risk. Some commentors note the hypocrisy in schools w/o going into the same details and exact complaints that I have, but I think they're worth reading.

In other news, I just read a great book called Genius Denied: How to Stop Wasting Our Brightest Young Minds I have to figure out how to get the book to the principals of both schools w/o insulting them. Please don't think I'm a nutty mom who just thinks her daughter's gifted. I didn't even realize she was until her preschool director and teachers (this year, too) told me. While I don't expect her to be one of the highly gifted geniuses who went to college instead of or during middle school, I do expect her to actually learn something while she's sitting in class all day.

3 steps closer to switching schools!

2006-03-01T21:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, I vented to enough "real" people this week that I can now calmly blog. I am seriously SICK of my daughter's school.

The dean announced that he's teaching the girls to be "machmir" so they'll end up "middle of the road" after they graduate. He's most likely wrong, as when they figure out they've been lied to and didn't have to do such extreme things, they'll probably say, "Hey, if he lied about that, what else did he say I need to do and really don't? I won't do most of it, he's so full of it." The Jewish Observer has a double issue about teens at risk and not imposing extra rules to hold them in. Duh.

He said, "You're the parents and it's your responsibility to raise your kids. But you're the ones bringing TV and cell phones and internet into your homes, and you expect us to raise your kids." WRONG! I expect to raise my kids while the school uses my thousands of tuition dollars to teach them, NOT raise them. But all he's doing with these rules that are ignored by parents and students alike is teaching them to do whatever they can get away with till they're caught. Lie, check the "no tv" box or whatever rule they impose in their fear, and then do whatever you want. Like "no cell phones" unless you're from NJ or have to shop for your mom or are in G.O., etc. So if there are so many exceptions, and everyone has one anyway, a more reasonable rule would be: Don't use cell phones during school hours.

That is NOT the way to raise kids. And first graders don't need to be taught to cover their elbows while they're hanging on the monkey bars in the playground. They need to be taught to keep their panties covered while hanging upside down or sitting on the floor. Or to not run around naked at bedtime/bathtime. No mention of elbows, unless they say, "When you're older, you'll need to cover." The parents can decide how close to bas mitzvah they want to phase in longer sleeves. It's called chinuch, not brainwashing.

So I went to the "modern school" again this week and interviewed the principal there. She's actually a human being who I can talk to, not someone who will deign to smile at me as I have the honor of walking past him. Not someone with a superiority complex who drips condescension and insincerity every time he opens his mouth, whether it's to say hello or give a speech (like just about all principals I've met, men and women, not just the current one).

I was so comfortable talking to her, and so furious at the current school, that I actually told her all my issues, and all the bad rumors I've heard about the girls in her school. She eased my fears a lot. She mentioned the Jewish Observer, which I haven't seen yet. She told me that the class my daughter and her friend (who already registered) would join is full of really nice girls, and I don't have to worry about Shabbos or kashrus in their homes (which is something I was told you do have to worry about in the school). She said maybe 2 or 3 of the moms don't wear a sheitel. Hair covering somehow bothers me less than pants, but if you're covering your hair, you're usually wearing a skirt, right? : ) And the mix of backgrounds sounds the same as in our current class, with Americans like me, BTs, and some Sephardim.

She said in 4th grade they have a Talented And Gifted (TAG) program. I am so thrilled it's already set up and I won't have to beg for it. She said the pre1a had literacy teachers, and some girls started first grade reading on a 3rd grade level. Sounds familiar, and thrilling. There are a few more really exciting points to the school, but the thing I like best? She said, "It's bad parenting to not monitor your child's tv and internet use. That has nothing to do with the school, it's the parents' job!"

So I got a class list and will call some parents on it. I've spoken to other mothers with older girls in the school, and have gotten great feedback.

One of my friends said our school has been talking this way for over 20 years, but has never done anything, and as long as they keep accepting people like us, they can never have a no tv rule. (The survey results showed that about 80% of the first grade has a tv.) But my issue is not so much with tv, since I agree it's not good to watch too much, etc., it's that the school repeatedly insults my intelligence and my parenting skills by issuing these dumb edicts that imply I'm a bad parent. If they have a problem with parenting, they should call those specific parents into the office and yell at them directly, leaving me out of it.

College rant

2006-02-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I found a English girl's blog. In it, she complains that girls aren't encouraged to continue their education so they can get good jobs, because of the co-ed environment, etc. I've heard people say that it's too tempting in college, too loose and free, etc, and people will go off the derech. Isn't that dumb? Shouldn't we be strong enough to survive outside the borders of our neighborhood? Shouldn't we be able to withstand temptation and not run free the moment we're unsupervised? Shouldn't the schools and parents realize that many girls don't have a strong basis to be frum and THAT'S the problem, not that "they'll run wild when they get the chance"? Give them the strength/reason to stay frum and let them live! You know, v'chai bahem!

I went to college, not Brooklyn or Touro, and had no problems there. I had my "daled amos" around me and wasn't asked out because I was obviously frum. My friends in my majors classes went out to drink or to shoot pool or whatever after school, but I didn't join them. They were people to talk to in the classroom and halls and the tutoring area, not for my daily life. I saw them about a year ago at a majors/alumni meeting, where we talked about our jobs to the current undergrads, and it was nice to see them again. They're still single, of course, because who gets married before their 30s these days, right? And I have 2 kids. :)

The not-frum girls I befriended became more interested in Judaism; I didn't become less interested! I saw a couple of them after graduation, and both were wearing sheitels and pushing strollers. Another, totally unaffiliated to any "brand" of Judaism, married a Jewish guy, which she hadn't considered important before, having dated "outside the religion." Before I got married, she came for Shabbosim and kept Shabbos with us. She visited me when the princess was born. I went to her wedding when the little guy was a baby.

Isn't that the way life should be? Why shelter kids so much that they are overwhelmed by how much life is out there when they see it? So overwhelmed that they don't stay strong, because their frum background was just, "My parents said I had to so I am, but now they're not here so I'm doing what I want."

Sigh.

I am Supergirl. Who are you?

2006-02-20T20:07:00.000-05:00

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl		82%
Superman		80%
Wonder Woman		77%
Robin		77%
Spider-Man		60%
Hulk		55%
Batman		40%
Iron Man		40%
Green Lantern		35%
The Flash		30%
Catwoman		5%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

And I always wanted to be Wonder Woman. Oh well, at least I'm related to Superman. :)

Since I've been gone...

2006-02-18T22:51:00.000-05:00

Let's see, what has happened?

At my annual exam, I was told that the reason I've been gaining/losing weight so much is because I'm not 20 anymore, but my blood pressure and abs and legs are perfect, and my current weight is exactly right (w/in range) for my build. Phew. But I thought I wouldn't have to worry about my weight for at least another 10 years, and this new weight just isn't "me." :( She said if I still want to lose a few pounds, which isn't really necessary, I should eat less and exercise more. Duh.
So, I walked a lot. Even during the blizzard. And 2 days later, when I took my son to school and picked him up because I was afraid to drive in the slippery streets. (The walk was a little more than 1.5 miles altogether because I got a ride home in the morning, but had to walk to get it). And a few days after that, when the weather was gorgeous again and the snow was mostly melted, I walked at least 3.5 miles, the last 1+ mile carrying groceries for Shabbos.
I went to shep nachas at the Princess's siddur play. She did a great job w/ her lines, songs, and motions. And huge smiles. :) My Morah commenter was missed, but I did thank her current morahs, and one of last year's morahs, for helping the princess get to this point. The main morah this year complemented me on my active participation with homework. :)
I had company on recent Shabbosim. The first time started as a playdate for little guy, but the mommy and I hit it off. Imagine, another normal person in the neighborhood! So they came for lunch, too, the next time, with the rest of the family. Everyone had so much fun that her little guy invited us to visit their house. Mom agreed, but someone was sick so we didn't go yet.
A former friendship was pretty much confirmed to be ended. I'm not going to explain, or pursue it anymore. She's stopped taking my calls for a while already, etc., and I'm finished.
Another old friendship was revived.
I finished working on the January book!
Princess brought home her geography folder, and she's learned a lot and loves it!

And now, for the kicker that really fits the blog:
Another first grade class in Princess's school was given a survey:

Do you have a TV?
Do you have a TV in your room?
Do you watch TV whenever you want?
How much TV do you watch?

That's straight from a mom w/ a daughter who got the survey. She called me, really upset. The next day she called the school, to say she's upset that they're circumventing parents in such an issue, and the Hebrew principal said, "I know nothing about it, talk to the English department." BS, but she did, and was told that they decided to ask the girls because they want to see if there's a connection between watching TV and needing the resource room, based on what the teachers in the resource room were discussing. The 6th grade was also asked. My daughter's class wasn't asked, but apparently 70%+ of the first graders watch TV. Duh. So my friend said, "As long as it's from an educational standpoint, ok, but as long as that's all it is." So we're heading toward a no-TV week.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that my kids don't watch a lot of TV. It's behind doors they're too little to open; the dvd/vcr are on a high shelf they can't reach; I never showed them how to use the remotes; etc. And when they ask to watch, they rarely get an "ok" and are instead redirected to a book or toy. And when they do watch, it's Blue's Clues or Disney videos that I turn on for them, not TV shows like Poekemon (sp) or American Idol or WBKids shows. On the days of the blizzard/snow day from school, they watched ONCE, only right before supper, and they watched a ballet so I could finish working. And I asked if they wanted to watch, and they chose the ballet. They would much rather play with blocks, Ello, dolls, books, than watch most of the time, anyway.

So my problem isn't with saying, "Don't watch a lot of TV." I agree with that for kids especially (even though I watch too much). My problem is with the school saying again, "You're not a good parent, you don't know what you're doing, so we're ordering you to not let your kids watch." They watch when I'm working on something, occasionally, which is what kid tv is for, in my opinion. So DON'T tell ME what to do! I can hardly wait to see the wording in the upcoming announcement of the no tv contest.

Orthomom's great post

2006-02-05T22:18:00.000-05:00

I love this post about kollel. The comments are good, too. But alas, again, the people in charge won't ever see it.

Back to school & cool Yoga moves

2006-01-31T23:39:00.000-05:00

Winter vacation is officially over this week, as my kids return to school and I have to return to working on a book I got before we went away.

School update: mid-January, my daughter and some of her classmates (and 2 girls from each of the other classes) did start the enrichment class! They go out twice a week (sometimes missing recess, which bothers me) to learn about geography. Princess loves it. But she has been telling me for a few days now that she hates English because it's all writing, writing, writing, especially in math. I replied, "I thought you love writing...you write stories!" She said, yeah, she likes writing stories but not math because sometimes the numbers don't come out exactly right. I told her that the more she writes them, the more practice it is so they will come out right, and a lot of times writing helps us learn. She wasn't really happy.

She's doing really well in Hebrew subjects, too. She just told me about a quiz that she got 100% on, when everyone else in the class had to correct theirs when they got them back. :) I'm so proud of her.

Right before vacation, 2 friends told me they are pregnant and due in the late spring. I'm happy for them, but sad that I'm missing yet another round of pregnancy. At least I have my delicious baby nephew to play with. He crawled away from my sister to come to me on Shabbos. :)

Another "good day" item to add to the list: my yoga class tonight was so great! I came home so relaxed. Try this move, which needs no warmup according to the teacher, and you'll be (almost) as limp as a rag doll when you're done:

Stand w/ your feet hip-width apart.
With your hands in front of you, palms down, lock your thumbs.
Raise your hands slowly in front of you, arms straight, till your hands are over your head. Hold.
Unlock your thumbs and let your arms slowly float down to your sides.
Slowly, slowly, like to a count of 8 for each vertebrae in your neck, tilt your head down so your chin touches your chest.
Let the rest of you slowly fold down (count to 22 or 32, I forgot, for each vertebrae in your back), with your arms like weights that pull you to the floor. Let your arms hang down in front of your toes. Then you can fold your arms to cradle your head loosely, and then let them back down to the floor.
Slowly start unfolding to an upright position.
When you're about halfway up, put your shoulders back where they belong, which will also start lifting your head off your chest.
You should be facing forward when you're done, w/ your head/neck straightened last.
Ahhhh.

Let me know how it works for you. I really felt good afterward. The teacher said you might feel taller because it's such a good stretch.

Another cool but kinda painful stretch:

Crouch down, bending every single toe, even pinky toes. Hold the crouch, then lean back (tush on heels) while all your toes are bent. (Warning: Insane pain for many people!)
Wrap your hands around your right knee and lift it, hold, then lower it.
Then do the same to your left knee.
Then put your hands on your thighs and lift both knees w/o touching them! (Rock back, in other words.) Hold.
Then go to tabletop and do a downward dog. Then do child's pose to relax. Ahhh.

This is another pose we did, then cartwheeled our arms down to the floor by our bent leg, did downward dog and then turned it into Warrier II again, with the other leg bent. My left knee hurt so the teacher adjusted my position, but I was still uncomfortable. Luckily, we did more after that and I can end the day feeling great. Goodnight!

Read before you speak

2006-01-18T23:11:00.000-05:00

You've got to read this post.
http://curiousjew.blogspot.com/2006/01/opinions-masquerading-as-facts-magic.html#comments

I'm posting now, so I can go back to her blog and read the earlier posts. Wow.

Happy Chanukah

2005-12-28T19:00:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the first day of Chanukah vacation for both kids, so we're going to start the day by visiting my grandparents. We haven't seen them in a while, and we used to visit every week before we moved/the kids started school.

I had a "fun" day today, visiting flooring stores to get quotes for a laminate kitchen floor. Any suggestions about where to go? The sheet of linoleum that's currently in the kitchen is old, dangerously broken by the doorway, and always always always looks dirty, even freshly mopped. I hate it and even tripped on the broken spot. So my hubby said I can get estimates. Yay. When he gets home I'll show him the samples and give him the estimate...wish me luck! :) I have leads on 2 contractors to call, too, to see if their price is cheaper than the BP stores. I think I'll try Home Depot, too, and see what their installation costs.

Although my husband doesn't believe in Chanukah presents, I bought myself earrings (not really for Chanukah, just worked out that way timing-wise), and a building toy for the kids. (They love to build.) I got little things for the nieces and nephews and young siblings, because we'll be seeing the families at Chanukah parties and I'm tired of accepting presents w/o reciprocating. It's too piggish and unlike me, and I'm shocked it's actually taken so long to take a stand. I grew up w/ little presents throughout Chanukah. So if my husband doesn't believe in gifts on Chanukah, he won't get one but the rest of us will. :P

Gotta light the menorah and put the kids to bed! Happy Chanukah!

How Frum Are You? Quiz

2005-12-22T12:37:00.000-05:00

When I first took the quiz, I actually came out right wing yeshivish, which I don't think I am at all. So I took it again and changed a few answers... I guess I'm actually somewhere in the middle, like I thought. :)

Left Wing Modern Orthodox: 39%
Right Wing Modern Orthodox: 71%
Left Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 61%
Right Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 31%

This means you're: Right Wing Modern O.

What does it mean?

You're shteiging away in the YU beis medrash and really enjoying that Kant class in the afternoon. You've achieved shiurvanna - the perfect synthesis of frumkeit and the outside world. Everyone to the left is way too modern and everyone to the right is too rigid and machmir. Sometimes you feel guilty about not wearing a hat.

How about you?

Quick update about PTA (not that, a parent/teacher meeting)

2005-12-21T21:31:00.000-05:00

So... my princess is a pleasure to have in class. :) The Hebrew teacher said she'll change her seat soon, because Princess does better in the front of the room. That'll also take care of the cheating problem.

Speaking of which, that work the girl was copying a few weeks ago wasn't just classwork, it was a QUIZ! That's unbelievable cheating, not just plain copying work because she's lazy. The teacher's excuse for TAKING AWAY A QUIZ: "She knows the rule is no talking in class, even though there's always a buzz. But there's absolutely no talking allowed during a quiz! She's not the only one who had a paper taken away." I said I had no idea she even gave quizzes, Princess never told me. (Princess probably doesn't even know what a quiz/test is! But she did get 100% of course.) She also showed me the writing and math work Princess does in class and out of the room. I don't have anyone else's to compare it to, and I see how she does the same kind of work for homework, so I don't know why she gave me all that paper. Oh yeah, to empty her folder, duh.

Anyway, I said, "I'm afraid that having Princess raise her hand to tell on a copy-er will alienate the class. She's already literally outside the class!" The teacher said, "Oh, she's not alienated." End of discussion. I didn't bother continuing because she wasn't interested in discussing it, and the seats are being moved in a couple of weeks so she won't be near the copy-er.

Re: enrichment, the teacher said they're going to start an official enrichment program, and Princess will go out for that twice a week for 45 minutes, with another teacher, with only 2 other girls from the class. And she said when the class gets their first reader (book), she's going to group them by reading ability in the class, too. :)

The Hebrew teacher and I got along really well, though. She's pleased with everything about Princess, except that she can't always tell if Princess is paying attention to answer the question asked, or if her genius is letting her figure out the right answer. :)

I drove another mother (of a bigger girl) home from PTA, and she said her daughter had transferred in 1st grade from the more modern school I've been considering, because she wasn't comfortable with how modern it is. They're happier here. I got her phone number, to continue the conversation. So far our current school hasn't added any idiotic policies and is adding an enrichment program. She can have a teacher who finds her "challenging and interesting" anywhere, any year, so this bad experience isn't a reason to switch schools yet. It's only December though, so there's plenty of time for idiocy.

It was a good day, overall.

Morah, where are you?

2005-12-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

Morah, please email me...I tied to send you a link of the princess's birthday party pictures, and the email bounced.

The party was fun for the girls and too loud for me. :) I'm glad I'm not their teacher.
We invited the whole class for a supper time pizza party, and most of the class came. They had fun, nothing spectacular to report about it, except that my kids went to bed right away; we'll open the presents in the morning. The kids asked twice to open them now, but they understood it was already past bedtime. They were so tired they practically fell into bed.

Ifunc, I heard you might've come to dinner with the girls last night...what happened?

Thanks for asking

2005-12-06T20:36:00.000-05:00

Talia, thanks for noticing! I've been too busy with everyday junk and lurking on other blogs to post an update, but since you asked... ;)

Thanksgiving was fine. We were supposed to go somewhere for turkey dinner, but she ended up cancelling, so I think we ate meatloaf.

Yes, it's our first snow this week, and I'm happy it wasn't a big storm since I have two kids to get to school.

Speaking of school, my daughter's teacher is determined to make her hate school. One day the Princess came home with her classwork incomplete, because the teacher had taken it away to punish her for talking in class. She had to finish the page at home, and I had to sign that I know she was talking. Why was she talking? To tell the kid behind her to stop copying her work, because she always looks at the Princess's paper instead of doing it herself. Did the teacher know that? Of course not.

So I wrote a note, of course, telling the teacher what had happened and that the Princess is very upset that the kid keeps copying and that the teacher thinks she was just talking. I asked the teacher to tell the Princess what to do next time someone tries to copy if she can't tell the kid to stop. And I told the Princess that it bothered me, too, when people copied from me. (The teacher told her to raise her hand, so that the copy-kid will get in trouble instead of the Princess. I'm not thrilled she's supposed to tattle, but at least the kid stopped copying.)

On the other hand, she started science lab and learned about solid/liquid...and Ooblik! And she's learning a ton of dikduk (Hebrew grammar rules) that I learned in 12th grade.

I spoke to the principal

2005-11-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

Great news! I spoke to the principal today about my idea to reorganize the three first grades, and she said it's a good idea that she'd been thinking about all summer, for implementing school-wide, not just 1 class!

In fact, they already tried a “tracking” pilot program one year in 2nd grade, dividing the class by reading ability for the first part of the afternoon. She doesn't think having a “homogeneous” class all day is good for the girls because it “creates an elitist attitude.” (So might going out to read every day by yourself, which is why I'm glad the princess now has a few friends out with her. But everyone knows who can read, so what's the difference?)

Anyway, she said the problems with tracks were: 1)Time was wasted going from one room to another and back, since it was just for reading, and 2) The teachers felt they didn't get to know the girls really well, because they didn't teach the same group all day. (That's when I suggested keeping the split all afternoon, but she said they need a mix for science and social studies, when everyone can participate.)

The principal said she'd call me back after asking the other 1st grade teachers if their classes were like my princess's, as far as widely varying abilities, at recess time. If they were, she'd “opt for it” again. She actually did call me back today to say that 1 teacher has a few advanced girls, but the other has only 1. So she's now thinking that they'll have enrichment in science, social studies, and language twice a week, and make sure they're still covering the reading material and skills the regular classes are learning. Yay! It pays to speak up!

Tonight the teacher called me. She did not sound happy. But we talked, and she agreed it would be academically ideal if advanced girls had their own teacher to speed through the material while the other girls had their own teacher to teach them at their level, and some schools do that. But that's not the way it works here. Now she's going to send them out for line reading time but when they read other things, the advanced girls will read to themselves and then do comprehension-type quiet work, like answering questions about the story. Or they'll write 3 sentences instead of 1 in their booklets, stuff like that, because she doesn't like that they're out of class. And she said the princess gets words like “delicious” in word games that they play. So I'm happy.

:)

Now, to answer questions:

ifunc, of course there will always be smarter kids even in an advanced class. But shouldn't the ones of similar ability be learning together, instead of with girls who are grade levels apart? The teachers know who is way ahead of the rest of the class and can decide who gets placed where. Or their computer programs that rate them on reading and math can decide. I wouldn't mind if my daughter wasn't the best in a class, as long as she's learning and enjoying it.

Talia, I would love for them to have an advanced track throughout the school. I wished I did when I was in school. Even if (eventually) she's not so far ahead, and has to move out of the advanced class, it's a great thing to have in the school.

Why should there be a resource room for kids who need help and nothing for kids who need enhancement? That's what the principal said to me today, and I forgot to mention it above. It's not fair to ignore them and say, "They'll get it on their own." I'll do the workbooks with my daughter at home, like I have always done because she loves doing them (and now little guy asks to do his workbooks, too, so I had to buy some new ones for him, too!). But I'm not going to teach.

Great gifted idea

2005-11-14T17:47:00.000-05:00

School has been interesting lately. I went on a Parshas Noach trip with each of my kids' classes, and I went to a teacher supply store with Princess's teacher, to find things for the "advanced" girls who can read to do while the other first graders are learning to read. (The assistant takes 5 girls out of class to read higher level work than "I can sit.") She told me that the class is clearly split between the advanced girls, the regular first grade level girls, and girls who need help.

I went to another store on my own and found cool "Gifted and Talented" workbooks for phonics, story starters, and math. So I took them to show the teacher when I picked up my daughter on Veteran's Day (no bus service). She said she'll ask the other 4 parents to call me, because they're great books for $2, and they 'd have workbooks instead of photocopied sheets.

Then she asked if I'd be interested in being the one to take the girls out of class so the assistant could work with girls who need remedial help. She saw my stunned face and added that she'd talk to the principal about tuition. It'd be for about an hour, 3 times a week.

I was flabbergasted. I told her I'm honored she asked me, and I'll think about it, but I didn't become a teacher in the first place because I don't have the patience for it. She said I don't need patience to deal with these girls, and she'd provide whatever we need, lesson-wise; all I'd have to do is help them with the work if they need help. Sheesh.

I thought about it, a lot. I don't really want to do it, because I'm not the teacher and it's not my job. I also don't want to commit half my day to it, because it's after lunch and it takes 20 minutes to park over there.

Then I thought of a great idea: If this one class is split in 3, so clearly, then why can't each section be a separate class combined with the other parallel classes? Why can't the "advanced" girls be in a class with other advanced girls, so they don't have to hear the same lesson all week, till everyone "gets" it? Why can't the remedial girls be in another class where the teacher goes slower, and then some can be at the top of the class instead of all being at the bottom? If they don't want to split them A, B, remedial, why not just have "honors" class and mix the other 2 up? I hated listening to the same thing in class a zillion times, and my daughter seems to be more ahead than I was. She'll eventually start doing her own thing and then not hear when the teacher starts something new. Also, why should she be bored and then hate school? There are already 3 classes in the grade, so it'd be SO EASY to do!!!

I have to call the school/principal to discuss the possibility tomorrow. I know they'll say no, they don't want to label kids, blah blah, but I've got to try.

Would you want your kids in a class equal to their abilities, or would you want them mixed up with kids not on their academic level? I think if my kids weren't smart, I would want them in an easier class so they can actually learn and not feel bad about not keeping up (and then giving up on school altogether). Do you agree?

what's next?!

2005-10-30T00:07:00.000-04:00

After reading this, I got mad. Then I remembered I'm supposed to be having a great day...so my next (gotta be happy) thought was, "Hey, I'm glad I don't live there!" And, in that spirit, I won't start ranting and raving this time.

I did have a good day. I almost finished reading my library book; the food I'd prepared for Shabbos was yummy; I got to take a nap while my husband watched the kids; and my princess read to me from her current book before supper.

Wanna hear something funny about how "on top of everyone" life is like in Flatbush? I was driving down my block on Thursday and screeched to a stop in front of a neighbor's house, halfway down the block. Last time I saw this neighbor she was hugely pregnant, and this time, she wasn't (but the neighbor she was talking to was, of course). I opened the car window and called out, "Mazel tov, when did you have the baby?" She laughed and said, "Last week." So hah to all those who think living in Brooklyn means that everyone knows everyone else's business.

Wow, it's after midnight. Goodnight!

almost back

2005-10-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

Well, the never-ending feasting begins again tomorrow night. Of course it's coupled with no school, which means no time to exercise, either. Which means I've gained weight again! Help!

The kids are having a great vacation this yom tov. My daughter's read so many books (5 or 7 Babysitter's Little Sister books; another Junie B. Jones or 2; she started Trumpet of the Swan by E.B. White, plus the regular kiddie books from the library). The kids enjoyed seeing exotic pets at an animal show, and the princess got a snake put around her neck! We were guests and had guests for various Succos meals, and everyone's having fun. My kids are looking forward to Simchas Torah, too.

I'm enjoying Yom Tov too, but I really don't understand something about Chol Hamoed and "work": Why are cleaning and cooking allowed, but not doing laundry? Laundry is so much easier than cleaning a bathroom (or a chicken, for that matter)! My daughter's warm p.j.s are all dirty or too small, so she's wearing thermals under medium-weight pjs, instead of her warm sleepers. Oh well.

--
In other news:
Wolf's blog said the Lakewood internet ban gives an option I didn't realize: parents can send in a note saying they don't have internet access. Sounds like the Brooklyn schools' "do you have a tv -- no" checkbox. They just accept liars into school. Great values are thus passed down to the kids, hurray!

New Lakewood school idea

2005-10-14T15:23:00.000-04:00

Check out this new idea. Hurray! I hope they get a huge positive reaction.

http://lkwdschools.blogspot.com/2005/10/dear-readers-recent-statements-leading.html#comments

(Sorry, I'm using a lousy browser that doesn't let me link properly.)

This week's Jewish Press articles about schools

2005-10-11T20:38:00.000-04:00

There are 2 great articles about education that I read in The Jewish Press, and they're online here and here. I added the bold font to stress stuff the excerpts below.

Rivka Teitz Blau ends her article with:

We look askance at adults in that culture who try to appear younger than their age and who behave with adolescent abandon. But are we promoting a different kind of immaturity? A young man who akes no decision himself; a married couple that does not become financially independent; a yeshiva where students stay past their twenties - all inhibit adult achievement. These three trends were not the norm fifty years ago. Then the influence of Europe was still strong: roshei yeshiva trained their students to go out to work in the community; students were expected to think for themselves and do for others; kollel had a time limit; Torah study was an important part of life after yeshiva.

To learn, lilmod, becomes a ritual activity if it does not lead to lelamed, lishmor v`la`asot - to teach, to observe and to do. This is a challenge of our time. The leaders who came from Europe created movements in the United States with practices that expressed their living values; now that these leaders are in the World of Truth, are we keeping the rituals but forgetting the values? Is Lakewood a virtual Kletsk and Monsey a Walt Disney version of the shtetl? How can we keep the content as well as the style of Rabbi Dovid Leibowitz and Rabbi Yosef Eliyahu Henkin, Rabbi Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz and Rabbi Joseph Breuer?

We can be a dor deiah, a Torah generation. We are already using every medium of communication to teach Torah. Now we have to think of new ways to engage every Jew in Torah and to bring out the potential leadership of young people who are in the beit midrash. If they are going to head the community, they must have some relationship to it. We trust that Hashem is nurturing young people who will restore our values: honesty, kindness, intellectual probity, caring for each other. We may yet write a brilliant chapter in Jewish history.

-----

Chananya Weissman says in his article:

For all that we spend on Jewish education, what are the returns? Does the average yeshiva student have the basic knowledge to answer the simplest challenges of a missionary? Does he have any passion for Judaism? Does he know what it means to be a Jew, what a Jew's mission is in this world? Does he care?

Some schools will impress parents with a rigorous Ivrit b'Ivrit program. They don't mention that such a program is almost impossible to run successfully. It only shrinks even more the pool of available, qualified teachers and further widens the communication gap between teachers and students, making it more difficult for the teacher to express a lesson and for the student to grasp it. And in the end, how many kids who go to these schools come out speaking fluent Hebrew? Is the benefit worth the cost?

Why is it accepted that developing basic knowledge, skills, and interest can wait until the student goes to Israel after high school? Why is Israel study often more a rehabilitation, a last-gasp attempt to turn someone around, than a natural continuation of a strong, vibrant foundation?

Shouldn't yeshiva education provide more than a Jewish peer group and minimal protection from the "outside world"? Shouldn't it be able to enrich the average and below average students, and not just the poster-boy valedictorian who will achieve in any environment? Shouldn't every child enjoy personal development, heightened self-esteem, creative nourishment, and a deep connection to his heritage in exchange for the many tuition dollars?

And shouldn't we recognize that the goal of Jewish education should not be to churn out roshei yeshiva, that impressing parents with a rigorous curriculum often comes at the sacrifice of all but the most brilliant? Is it really a surprise that so many kids are turned off to Torah and Judaism? What do they really learn about either of the two?

Do schools care more about "presenting an image" than teaching substance? How many schools will refuse to consider a teacher who doesn't have a certain "look" in favor of someone who "presents the right image" but is clearly an inferior teacher? Why are the needs of the students for the best available teacher not first and foremost, and why do we think they will buy into a hollow image?

As a teacher I can tell you that all children are very perceptive and much sharper than their grades might indicate. This is why the vast majority of them quickly conclude that to be an acceptable Jew they need only present an image, and most of the others conclude that Judaism doesn't have much substance beyond the image. The latter group becomes slapped with the label "at-risk," a permanent black mark, when in reality it is the community that is at risk. It is the community that conveniently blames the failure of these students, as it does all its other problems, on "secular influences" and buries the deeper issues in the darkest recesses of the ghetto.

We need to ask why in many girls' yeshivas the students are intimidated from asking penetrating questions, questions that the teachers themselves may not be equipped to answer, lest they harm their shidduch chances years down the road. We need to ask why boys who have questions about fundamental components of Judaism are warned by rebbeim that such inquiries are inappropriate for a believing Jew. We need to ask whether intellectual suppression is not a form of child abuse.

---
Go ahead, please write letters to the newspaper so that the discussion is continued and something good can happen! Chananya Weissman, the author, responded on Wolf's blog, saying that the other problem is the inaction, the "let others deal with it and fix it while I just complain to my friends" attitude.

Punish just the offenders, please

2005-10-06T09:50:00.000-04:00

BrooklynWolf has another great post (Oct. 3) about yeshivas taking too much power from parents, specifically about internet access.

He says: However, there is one aspect of this whole affair that bothers me. Specifically, whose job is it to raise a child - the parents' or the Yeshiva? The takanos that were enacted seem to say to me that the latter, and not the former, is the final authority on how a child is raised. The takanos (to me, anyway) seem to be telling the parents "You cannot be trusted to advise your children which parts of the Internet are healthy and good and which are unhealthy and bad; so we will make that decision for you. Furthermore, unless you have a real business need (subject to our discretion) you cannot be trusted for yourself either."

It drives me crazy that just because a few parents don't have common sense, the schools issue "decrees" that punish people who do have common sense when it comes to raising kids.

I'm tired of being punished for things I didn't do. It's like in elementary school, when I was eating my lunch and reading a book at the back of the classroom. Suddenly the principal was there, screaming at the class, because girls had thrown the hot lunch all around the front of the classroom and had put a garbage can on the teacher's desk. We all had to write an essay about behavior and how bad that was. My essay was about how I didn't even know it was happening, so why am I being punished? (And now that I think about it, why wasn't a teacher in the classroom?)

Why can't the schools just "yell at the 'bad' parents" and leave the rest of us alone?! I have common sense when it comes to dressing my daughter. I know she's too little to go online, and she never has. But she has looked over my shoulder when I'm buying something for her online, and she has seen me working on the computer. If my daughter's school dares to tell me "no internet at home," I think it'll be the last straw and I'll have to switch her to the "more modern" school.

I'm really sick of this, and I refuse to move away from home.

Speaking of home, I was at my parents' for Rosh Hashshana, and my gosh, has the block changed. OK, when I was little, there weren't as many frum families, but now there are B"H lots of them, and dozens of kids under 12 were playing outside together. It's just so weird how yeshivish the newcomers are! The "original" homeowners weren't so yeshivish (wow, I typed chassidish first!), and they're still living there with big/married kids. My childhood friend/neighbor was at her parents', too, and we talked outside while our boys played. She agreed with a laugh that it's so weird to see how different the block looks. And, with a scowl, that it's nuts that there aren't any schools left for normal people like us.

Wanna waste time?

2005-10-02T23:24:00.000-04:00

These silly quizzes are addictive. Some make me laugh because they're so "accurate," while others are way off. :)

For example, these 2:

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.

You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.

People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.

When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

I also did the "3 question personality test." How accurate do you find these results?

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.

You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.

In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.

Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

Not very accurate, huh. :)
K'siva v'chasima tova!

a comment on radicalism

2005-09-28T23:26:00.000-04:00

Here's a great, applicable comment from another post about the school situation in Stamford Hill, England.
Conflict of messages! This is a subject I could devote an entire post to, though with my lack of experience in chinuch, I suspect I would not do a very good job of it. In a nutshell, there are many people who strongly resent the Islamification (as one commenter put it earlier) of Yiddishkeit. To the extent that it is slowly driving families away from the emmese Yiddishkeit. If one is considered an oisvorf because ones wife wears a hat, one might as well live the life of an oisvorf. How does one explain to ones kids that despite what their Rebbes tell them, as I hear they are in one cheder in town, there is nothing wrong with drinking cans of drink? If all the underlings, and by virtue of their silence, the leaders too, are preaching unreasonable radicalisation, which Manhigim can those who resent this trend turn to? Nobody! Where are the voices of reason? There are none! The effect is that those who slowly become disillusioned, many only subconsciously, cannot do a good job of imparting yiddishkeit to their children. Thus the real yiddishe values become diluted more and more as each generation goes by.

School update

2005-09-22T13:56:00.000-04:00

First, thanks for all your comments and links!

Second, thanks, Morah for the compliments. Morah B. spoke to the preschool director about the issue in general, and was told parents can take it up with the elementary school principal if it's not resolved with the teacher. I'm not thrilled with what I've heard the principal say in her orientation speeches, so I hope I won't have to deal with her. Morah B.'s advice was to ask the teacher to incorporate multiple levels in her curriculum, so students at all levels can learn something. I don't think she's going to do it though. :(

I've actually calmed down a little, because my princess got to participate in class. She read a book to the class, which the teacher then read, and then the girls had to find words on the pages. That was a great way to include my daughter. Also, they're working on penmanship, which she needs to learn. :)

I went to her "parent orientation night" this week. The English teacher came in laughing and said to us, "Why don't we just skip her to sixth grade?" She "tested" the princess and said she's reading on at least a 3rd grade level and is on an advanced first grade level for writing (so it's not my imagination and proud mommy feeling!!!), and will probably go out with the assistant teacher to really read when the class is sounding out lines like "and the cat sat." We'll see how that works. She said she'll get harder worksheets for her to do, too, while she otherwise participates in class. The computer teacher said the language program will jump ahead to her level; it goes through 8th grade.

No other kids in her class are this advanced, and unfortunately, even though the school has a resource room for remedial work, there's no program in place for advanced students. One girl can read better than the others but not nearly as well as the princess. Another can write well. I don't think they're ahead enough for the teacher to do anything different.

My cousin's husband taught their daughter read when she was 3, and she was bored and bad in class because the teacher didn't do anything for her. (She's now in 7th grade, I think, and had a different teacher. I hope princess's teacher will figure out a great way to keep the princess interested.)

---
Back to my Pre-1A vent: I spoke to a preschool teacher at PTA and she said I should continue the sleeves fight, because it's getting worse. The director actually asked this teacher if a preschool assistant is allowed to wear a denim skirt. She sits on the floor, of course she can wear denim!! Happily, that's what this teacher answered.

So this morning I called the preschool office and left a message, saying that even though the princess is in 1st grade, I'm still interested in being part of the parent panel we'd discussed last year. I'm waiting for a call back. :) I was fighting the sleeves/knees rule on principle, not just on my daughter's behalf. It's still wrong, and they're still going to try to implement it. Grr.

Schools are nuts

2005-09-12T22:17:00.000-04:00

Here's a guy whose son's Brooklyn yeshiva is imposing rules that are inappropriate, taking away the parents' choice of how to raise their child. (Thanks, Talia the commenter, for the head's up!)

A great point:
Of course, one can simply lie to the yeshiva, but that really sidesteps the issue - that a yeshiva feels that they can make this sort of demand on parents in the first place.

I'm curious as to why we allow our kids' yeshivos to assume this kind of authority over our lives.

One of my favorite comments, by PsychoToddler:
However, they have to understand that at some point, these boys have to learn about self-discipline and how to be descriminating in the real world, and they won't learn it this way. I wonder if once they leave this opressive system they won't have a clue of what is appropriate and what isn't.

And at the point where they start telling ME how to live my life, they've crossed a line.

That brings us back to the idiotic tznius issue of Pre1a (which the incoming class got a letter about before school started). My current 1st-grade mommy friends are telling me to drop it, we're out of preschool, save the fight for when it counts for us again so I'm not labeled a troublemaker.

I already had to call a teacher today, for making my princess think she shouldn't participate in class because she already knows how to read. Of course it wasn't exactly what she said, blah blah, but I'm anticipating problems. She said she'll give my daughter different work to do when they're doing easy stuff. I said she wants to participate. She said she'll feel it out for the next few weeks and we'll see what happens. And she's supposed to be the best of the 1st grade teachers in the school.

I want to get my wonderful Morah B's help here, since she kept the princess interested in learning ABCs last year, even though she's been reading on a 2nd grade level since last summer. The current teacher doesn't want me to encourage her to progress in reading higher level books like Betsy-Tacy-Tib, which I told the teacher I think the princess is ready to read.

I do not want my daughter to feel different in a weird way for being so smart. I don't want her doing "other" work instead of classwork, just after classwork. But how do I get this across to the teacher w/o making her hate me? How do I make sure my daughter doesn't hate English after a week of elementary school? How can I make sure she's encouraged instead of ignored?! Help!

Spam

2005-09-08T12:33:00.000-04:00

I just turned on the word verification option...I don't like spam in my email, and I'm upset about getting a few spam "comments." I hope it only deters spammers from commenting, because I do like to hear from the rest of you!

Vacation's over and mine is too

2005-09-07T21:12:00.000-04:00

After a rainy vacation in Lake George that was full of fun activities with the kids anyway, we're back. We visited all grandparents. We altered uniform skirt and jumper to fit the little princess. We got little guy's library card and high riser bed. :) And today, we had nursery orientation.

Tomorrow's the big day -- the first day of school for both kids. Little guy starts preschool and my princess starts elementary school! I actually ironed 5 uniform polo shirts. I figured, if I ironed the pleated doll skirt that I made, I can also iron real uniforms. :)

Of course, the polo shirts have long sleeves from the uniform lady, or 3/4 sleeves from Land's End. And the incoming Pre1A got the same infuriating "after Pesach they must cover elbows and knees" letter. Should I take up the fight again, even though my daughter's out of preschool?

The babies around me are getting bigger, B"H (oh, and mazel tov, Mindy!), and the pregnant women around me are getting bigger too. I kinda wish I was due this fall, too, instead of being not pregnant at all.

I was looking forward to the kids going to school so I can bike while the weather cooperates, but of course my freelance work is going to keep me at a desk for a while. I got called today to proofread a 700-something page novel. On the one hand, great, I've got work; on the other, I wanted to bike in the fall!!! And my steady job is back, too. And then, when I'm done with the novel, I've got to return to editing the horrid book I've been aggravated by all summer, the book that I can't stand to read for more than 45 minutes at a time. Sigh. I told the guy on the phone today that of course I'm available to work; anything to push off publication of the horrid book. I really hope they won't publish it. Don't ask about the book, because I'm not going to kill its sales in case it will actually be published. :)

they're home

2005-08-25T23:27:00.000-04:00

On Monday and Tuesday mornings I went bike riding again!

Then my kids ended day camp on Tuesday, and we've really had a great time since then!

Wednesday (yesterday) my kids accompanied me to Yoga and watched me learn to do a handstand and also hurt myself doing a bridge. Then we went to the aquarium and met up with a friend who moved away; we haven't seen her and her kids since May, and we used to see them almost daily. A good time was had by all. Then I took the kids into Boro Park to exchange a robe I bought the day before, and then I got them shoes for school. Yay. Then we visited my grandparents, something we've done only once since camp started! Oh yeah, then we stopped at the ballet studio to get the dance shorts princess needs for her class. Then they went to bed, a neighbor came to babysit, and my husband and I joined my siblings and parents for an anniversary dinner for my parents at a local restaurant.

Little guy kept saying throughout the day, "I love my Morah." I think he missed her already.

Today, my little guy's big boy high riser bed arrived in the morning! While we waited for it, I showed him the superhero sheets I'd bought for him. He's so excited...Superman and Batman (and the Flash, who he doesn't know) on his bed! Then we played with his Rescue Station, an upsherin gift from the friend we saw yesterday. Then the little princess colored and did some latch hook work while little guy practiced writing his name for a library card. He's almost ready to get one. :)

Then the bed came! Yesterday morning my husband and I rearranged furniture in the little guy's bedroom, so that a big bed can fit. We had to trade dressers with the one in the princess's room. That took 2 hours, till the drawers were sorted out properly. The princess's "too small" clothing box is now stuffed and has to be moved to the garage till my niece can fit in the size. :) Anyway, the bed came, I put the sheets on, little guy was SO excited to sit on it, taking off his shoes, of course.

Then we went to Target and each kid got a new sheet from their kiddie bedding line. Then we went to the Summer Reading Program party at the library, and watched a magician perform. They got goodie bags full of (not kosher junkfood and) pencils, yoyo thingies with stringy things, whistles, maracas, and other junk I'd never buy them!

Then we went to the butcher for Shabbos food, came home and made burgers, then played in the backyard before bedtime baths. We also tried on the ballet shoes that came in the mail. Of course, the Tap shoes are too small and need to be returned. I hope the new ones come on time.

I like being busy. :)

Wow, long time catch up

2005-08-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

Wow, I guess I took a "3 weeks" break from posting!

Since then, my birthday's come and gone. My husband's friend made him realize what to get me for my birthday present, which I've wanted for about 20 years...an American Girl doll! (He was saying how I spend a lot of time on eBay unsuccessfully trying to get one cheap, and clothes for it.) He even figured out which specific one I'd want, based on the era I like best in American history. :) I've spent about 2 weeks obsessing about clothes for the knock-off doll I'd bought my daughter weeks ago. I even hand-sewed some outfits for it! I bought 2 doll patterns, and made a denim skirt, a uniform skirt, a white stretchy knit t-shirt, and white tights. Oh, and a nightgown w/o a pattern. :) Yay, me! A new insane hobby! (But better than blogging, right? JK)

Speaking of hobbies, I returned to one that I last indulged in 6 years ago. I went back to the darkroom to print gorgeous black and white pictures! (Remember my son's upsherin? Well, I printed some beautiful and adorable pics!) The last time I was in a darkroom I was about 3 months pregnant with my daughter! I love love love to watch my work appear in the developer chemicals.

I think I've gone biking twice since that first "round the block" ride. Both times were really nice. I was thinking about biking again this morning, but it started to rain. Oh well. So I made a pleated uniform skirt for the American Girl doll(s).

I've been enjoying Yoga, and getting stronger and much more flexible. I can turn in the car to buckle the little guy's car seat, and it doesn't hurt my side or back or shoulder at all! Yay!

My husband's home, so I'm off to swim at last. G'night all!

Harry Potter (no spoilers)

2005-07-24T00:06:00.000-04:00

One of my really nice friends read her Harry Potter book early in the week and lent it to me. I finally had a chance to read it (and finish it!) after Shabbos started...and I liked it. A lot happens in the 6th book, some of it stuff we've been waiting to see for a while.

My friend said she had stayed up till 3am to finish reading the earlier books in the series, but didn't feel the need to finish this one so urgently. But I liked it and only stopped reading to play with my kids and read their books to them at the end of some chapters, and for meals and dressing/feeding my kids. And to sleep. :)

I wanted to bike on Sunday, but then I realized it's a fast day. :( Have an easy fast!

Ooh, the breeze

2005-07-21T22:40:00.000-04:00

It was such a joy to get onto my new bike today and zoom around the block a few times before picking up the kids from camp. Oh, the rush. Oh, the breeze. (I did have a better breeze when I last rode, like 10 years ago or so, because this time I had to cover my hair and wear a helmet. For those who are curious, I wore a bandana so as not to kill a sheitel with the helmet.)

Here's the long story:
I went back to Target today and found the last bike in the style I've been looking for all week, so I bought it with a coordinating helmet. But I could not get it into my little car's back seat; it just just wouldn't fit right and kept getting stuck on the fabric seats. So I went inside the mall to call for a minivan owner to pick me up; she said I should try again and call back if I still need help.

As I hung up, I saw a man with the parking garage tag on his shirt, so I asked for help. Together, pushing and pulling the bike, we got it into the car with the front on the fully reclined front seat and the back behind me on the back seat. (Good thing it's a 5-seater car, right?) Turns out he doesn't work at the parking garage, just for the garage company, but he walked away with a smile and I drove away with my new bike! Yay!

I managed to get it out of the car by myself, alternately pushing and pulling from opposite sides of the car. I went in, changed my skirt, and geared up to zoom around the block a few times. What a wonderful feeling. One neighbor around the corner, a friend of my husband's, was bringing his kids home from camp and saw me. He said I look like a teenager. :)

And then, after supper, I took the kids to the backyard and all 3 of us rode our bikes together in the yard, without a single crash because our yard is big enough, even though we don't live in NJ. :) They were so happy that I can ride with them now. And I am, too. Wheeee!

Bikes?

2005-07-14T12:36:00.000-04:00

I decided that I want a bike. With the kids in camp, I can bike to the park and ride around the track there, and at night or on Sundays I can bike with my husband if someone will watch my kids. But I don't want to spend a fortune on a bike!

I went to a local bike shop yesterday, and the cheapest bike was $230. Yikes! So I went to Target (they have a bike on sale), but my husband said I should get a bike with "quick release" wheels, not a cheap bike that needs tools to change a flat tire. So I didn't get the sale bike, and the Schwinn they had was only 24", not 26". But they're getting another shipment this afternoon. So I tried 2 Toys R Us stores, but they don't have "good" bikes in stock either. :(

Any suggestions?

Silly nerd test

2005-07-12T16:59:00.000-04:00

I scored 23%. Phew! What's your score?

Sunday fun day

2005-07-10T19:28:00.000-04:00

After getting off to a slow start today (including ice cream bars on the steps), we took the kids to the aquarium and the beach. The kids love going to the aquarium, so I take them whenever I can, even though I hate seeing animals/fish/birds look at me. I don't need to push this mishugas on them. :)

Then we went back to the car, changed into pool shoes/flip flops, grabbed the beach shovels and pails and umbrella, and went to the beach. It was SO full, but we got a spot close enough to the water to make quick trips to fill the bucket with water for sandcastles. Of course, minutes after Daddy carefully turned over the bucket of wet sand, little guy kicked every tower. Every time. But they had fun digging, anyway. Our umbrella blew away twice but we ran after it and caught it quickly. Another umbrella landed in front of us, but the kid who was with it caught it before we could get up.

Then we went home, exhausted. I'd brought drinks for everyone, but I was still hot and tired and NEEDED to relax on the couch with ices. So I did. :) The kids had to sit at the table, though.

Oh, I started Yoga last week. The instructor's nice, and I'm looking forward to continuing. She had us do the same routine a few times in a row, so I know how to do it at home on the "off" days. Yay.

mazel tov

2005-07-03T22:14:00.000-04:00

It's a boy! My sister's son was born today, and I was at my parents' house when my BIL called to tell his little girls that they have a brother. The 5-yr-old was shocked, saying, "What did you say?" because she'd been asking for a brother. The 3-yr-old was so excited and giggled with joy when I said to her, "Hey, you're a big sister now!" She's so cute.

I'm planning to visit them tomorrow. I even dug out the storage box of my little guy's newborn-size clothes to bring to their house.

First day of camp

2005-06-30T19:23:00.000-04:00

Phew, am I tired. Today was the first day of day camp, and both kids had a good time. Little guy was really excited when I picked him up, and told me about some fun games he played. I had to guess names of kids in his bunk. He's got about 25 kids and 5 teachers.

Princess had a good day, too; most of her class from school is in her bunk Aleph, and the other class from her school is in bunk Bais, and they played a spelling game together. Her team won. She thinks it's because the other bunk had a kindergartener in it. Isn't she kind? :)

I saw her ballet recital photos on Snapfish today and sent them to our friends. I expect the prints will come in the mail w/in the next few days. I'm so excited, because they seem to have come out clearly, even in the dark auditorium! Whoo hoo, 800 speed film!

I drove to a NJ outlet today and bought stuff for my kids at ridiculous sale prices at The Children's Place outlet. They have long sleeve t-shirts for $2.99, so I bought 5 colors for the princess in the next size, so they'll fit her in 2 years (this year's shirts are still big on her). I got the little guy some button down school shirts for when he'll be in kindergarten and pre-1a for only $4.99. I also got pjs for the princess for less than $7...plus no tax, cuz it's NJ! (That's the only good thing about NJ: outlets w/ no clothing tax. Oh yeah, and my friends live there.)

After camp, the kids wanted pizza for supper. I said no but realized I'm tired from driving so much today, so we walked over to the pizza store and ate. When the princess was almost finished eating, I took out her Hebrew review book (homework) and she did 4 pages of kriah. Yay.

When we got home, she colored, I blogged, and little guy watched Blues Clues. He's so tired, I think he'll go straight to sleep w/o bothering the princess tonight. Yay, camp!

In the Spotlight all day

2005-06-26T20:46:00.000-04:00

What a great day for my princess!

She was great at her ballet recital, and looked so cute dancing with her friends. She received a trophy at the finale and is so excited.

I brought my SLR camera and 800 speed film to take pictures, because I was told "no flash photography." One of the security guards told me not to take pictures during her first dance, so I spoke to him at intermission and showed that I didn't even have a flash! He said I can take pictures from my seat so that the other people w/ flash cameras don't have a fit. So I did, with my huge telephoto lens. :)

After the tremendously long recital, I took her and the little guy for pizza to celebrate. Then I took the princess swimming with me, and taught her to blow bubbles in the water and float on her back. We had fun holding hands and floating on our backs next to eachother. Then she floated/swam and kicked while I floated beneath her on my back. Such fun and excitement! (She was wearing a floatie vest.)

Now she's writing in her journal about her exciting day. She just called down to ask me how to spell "brought." How about bright? Little doll, I love her.

School's out

2005-06-21T20:29:00.000-04:00

Well, playgroup ended today, and the little princess has only half a day of school tomorrow, so I think I can officially say, "School's out for the summer!"

I spent the day running around getting gifts for the teachers. Yesterday I collected money from a few mommies in the princess's class, so today I bought her 4 teachers gift certificates to a local beauty salon I patronize. Since some teachers are not married, I thought it was a good choice: they can all get manicures/pedicures, waxes, jewelry, hair accessories, and haircuts/styles. The married teacher who I love (Morah B, remember) can also get her sheitels done, too. I added extra to her gift, more than I gave the other teachers, since I feel she did a lot more for me and my daughter. Of course, I didn't write on the certificates how much each mother gave (no one gave exactly the same amount), but the 2 Hebrew teachers got the same total, the assistant teacher got a little less, and Morah B got more because another mom gave her extra, too. :) Sounds fair to me!

After picking up the little guy from his early dismissal after an ice cream party at playgroup, we zoomed to my daughter's school to catch all the teachers, before the morning ones left and after the afternoon ones arrived. I wanted to make sure the nicely packaged certificates went to the right teachers. The preschool director told me she'd just written a note to me, and it's hanging on my fridge now. It thanks me for being such a great preschool parent, and she'll miss me and my darling.

Before playgroup, I had taken the little guy shopping for cereal, juice, and playgroup morah gifts. I got his 2 teachers little bags with body mist and lotion type things. I got the ballet teacher a cute picture holder that looks like the standing part is wearing a long ballerina gown. The receptionist loved it when I brought it over after the princess came home from school.

Oh, I got the most adorable class picture of the ballet class! My darling looks like a professional ballerina in it. I love it! I bought frames for the 5x7 photos I had made of her in her costumes.

And now my hubby's home, so I gotta get ready to swim after giving him supper.

Yoga, girl!

2005-06-16T13:31:00.000-04:00

What a good day, really!

I'm so excited! I finally found another yoga class to replace the one I had been taking till the teacher disappeared off the face of the earth after Pesach. I'll start in July, after the kids start day camp. I'll take the class in the morning twice a week, while the kids are at camp having fun, instead of asleep and requiring a babysitter or daddy to watch them.

I got a call today asking for my proofreading skills, to finish a book before my kids finish school. Half of the book was proofed by someone else who has another rush job that's a higher priority and earlier print date, so they'll send me her work and the final copy, plus my half of the book. I asked for her edits so that I can see what kind of changes she's making, and I'll make my own style sheet.

I'm so happy that this new job will arrive tonight, so I can still be "free" today. And I'm happy that my usual Thursday job is on haitus till after the summer. And I'm happy that I got to do my exercise walk this morning, before it rained, and the little guy and I had fun at the playground in the park. And I'm looking forward to watching the ballet rehearsal today. I hope little guy sits nicely, as practice for the actual recital that's coming up!

Progress

2005-06-09T20:01:00.000-04:00

Woo hoo! I called the preschool director yesterday to follow up on the 3-night meeting we thought of. Of course the principal and dean didn't pick a date yet. So we spoke for another 40 minutes or so, about different things like feedback forms.

Today there was no school bus, so I saw the director in the afternoon. She said the dean/principal were making progress! Hurray! I hope I'll get a note about it tomorrow or right after Shavuos.

So there :P to everyone who doubted I could make a difference.

On a different note, a couple of weeks ago I read a new book by Tova Mirvis called The Outside World. It was so real that I enjoyed it, even though my husband (who read it after me) didn't feel it was so well written. It's about a 22-year-old Brooklyn girl who can't stand the pressure to get married to any of the seemingly identical boys she's dated. She decides to escape to Israel and goes to seminary there, decides to take matters into her own hands and follows a boy from the bus. Turns out they knew eachother when they were little, their moms were friends, etc. He grew up NJ modern in a co-ed school, his sister is doing the rebelling thing as the book continues, and his father is ready to kill him for choosing a 3rd year in Israel over Columbia U. Things change, and it's an interesting book that I recommended to a few people. Enjoy!

Oh, btw, I went on a class trip with my daughter this week. Almost every girl was wearing short sleeves. :P

The big meeting

2005-05-31T20:27:00.000-04:00

So, I met with the director and Morah B. last week. We all went in with a positive, cooperative attitude. After my weeks of ranting, it was hard to calm down but since I do want to make a difference, I tried. Instead of thinking I'm a raving luntaic, like my best friend does (:P to her), the director told me I'm the ideal parent and a core parent that the school wants.

Anyway...
She agreed that yes, the rule was announced improperly, with poor timing and delivery. She understands that we don't want to be telling our kids to do different things at home and at school, and she admires that. She's appalled that we read the note as "kabalas minhagim," accepting customs, instead of "kabalas manhigim," accepting leaders, because it was written in Hebrew and spelled without the vital letter yud.

She was appalled when I told her kids are making fun of girls wearing short sleeves. She wanted to know which kid it was so she can have that teacher discuss it with the class. I said it's irrelevant which kid, all the teachers should discuss it! We agreed that it's terrible to have such intolerance for people not exactly like you, so all the teachers will talk about it and do some kind of tolerance project, like all the Shavuos flowers are different but beautiful. Whatever.

She agreed that the school has to broaden the tznius curriculum to include talk and behavior, not just clothes. She agreed the teachers should differentiate between halachah and hashkafa, between added rules and actual laws. Hurray!

We talked about other stuff that the "speech" made us think of, and therefore ran out of time because she had to carpool and I had to pick up my little guy from playgroup and Morah B had to teach! So I called her when I got home, read her the list of questions, and she called me back yesterday with the dean's answers.

The answers, of course, were not satisfactory, so we left it that we'll have to have a meeting. We being all the parents, in groups, because the dean doesn't want to talk to 400 people from a podium. I suggested sending out a note with 3 dates listed, one for preschool, one for grades 1-3, one for grades 4-8. That way, parents who care about the changes can talk and be heard. She said great idea, and we said if parents can't make it on the right night, the parents can come on either of the other nights. I'm so excited that we're being heard.

On the phone yesterday, she said she's hearing 2 problems with the sleeves issue: 1, that it was decreed too late in the year, and 2, that we want the school to stay the way it is. I said that's it in a nutshell.

The point-by-point responses:
1. Why now? Because the "outside world" is "declining" so we have to put up more "gedarim, gates" around ourselves. What I don't understand is why they don't see that all these "gates" are pushing frum people away.

2. Why move away from parents already in the school? They want to know who the core parents' rabbis are. I asked, who are the core parents? She said, good question, they have to figure that out. It's the parents who don't want to do just the minimum requred by Torah, the want to live Torah lives. Or something like that. They want to stay in Flatbush and not move away. I told her, "Well, you're moving the school to Boro Park, which is moving to Bnei Brak, and I want to stay in Flatbush and you're the only school like this, so I need you not to move!" She said, "So we're on a train, and the school's turning so you want to get off?" I said, "No, I want the train to stay on the tracks without turning, so we get to the destination we boarded for!" She liked that.

3. What are we supposed to do? She conceeded the point that the school has 3 full classes per grade and is therefore needed as is, but she added, "Don't think we don't go to sleep at night worrying about the next generation getting lost because the parents are going to put them in the wrong school." Not a helpful answer in my opinion.

4. What happens after she's told? She asked the dean about consequences, and he said he's not telling. He doesn't tell his kids "Do x or I'll y to you," and he's not telling the parents. Thanks a lot. So I said, "Well, if you're not going to do anything this year, as you said in the meeting, then why should you even be told? Why make teachers tattle on 5-year-olds?" She said, good point, there's no reason for telling, if the dean wants to know he knows how to look by himself. Hurray, Morah B will be so happy!

5. What should we tell the girls about the dichotomy? Dean said, that's the parents' perogative. Thanks a lot.

6. What's next? She took that to mean parent involvement is needed, and agrees! But she also wants parents to realize the school isn't just here for education, but for spiritual leadership that we've got to accept. I said, I thought I was sending her to a school I accepted, but this changes everything.

7. College, etc? The school still will encourage college and give credits and maintain its high standards, and she thinks it's so funny that we think changing rules will change the school standard. I don't see why.

Bottom line: I bought my princess some uniform pieces on Sunday, but plan to check out the more modern school soon.

What's Next continued pt. 2

2005-05-24T14:45:00.000-04:00

For the past week, I've been preoccupied with the long-sleeves rule I ranted about in the previous post. I've collected signatures on the petition and spoken to almost all the parents of my class and half of the 2nd class. Almost all agree that it's inappropriate to change the rule in the middle/end of the year and that it's not an appropriate rule for such little girls in the first place, and that they'll dress their kids in short sleeves in the summer. Someone who teaches at the school acted as laison and is setting up an appointment this week for me to talk to the preschool director and represent the parents I've spoken to. In order to keep cool and not blow up in fury, I've prepared my "speech," with a list of questions. I'm going to include it here, editing out some identifying details. I won't mention the petition, just the feelings I've heard.

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At the preschool orientation, I was so excited to feel that I have the “holding hands” kind of relationship with the school. I was so excited to have found a school where I can be a partner with the school, teaching my daughter the same Torah values that the school is teaching without saying, “You can do this at home but not at school.”
I have had a great partner relationship with the teachers both years, particularly with Morah A and Morah B; as you know, I'm friends with Morah A and [censored for privacy]. Morah A used to sit down with [my daughter] and color with her in school, or draw her name in pretty ways for [my daughter] to color in. [more compliments censored for privacy, as Morah A reads this blog!]

This year, I have a wonderful relationship with Morah B. I love the way Morah B takes care of [my daughter] and has helped her develop her self-confidence enough to ask for help when she needs it. I love that Morah B understands how important it is to keep [my daughter] excited about learning ABCs, even though [censored for privacy]. I love that when Morah tells [my daughter] that she's going to take care of something, or find something she left at school, [my daughter] doesn't even tell me about it till she brings it home! She's so confident that Morah's taking care of it. That's what I want for my daughter, that confidence that the people who are taking care of her care as much as Mommy does.

We originally chose [this school] for our daughters because we wanted the best frum education for our girls, because we agreed with the mehalech of the school, and because the school fits the needs of those of us who don't want to attend the other [local] schools. However, this new ruling caught us off guard in the middle of the year.

I thought I was sending her to a school that has the same priorities and values as I do, values like learning mitzvos and getting an excellent education. I was so impressed during our initial interview, because [the principal] talked to us about the school and what it can do for [my daughter]. He didn't mention TV, because it's not an issue that concerns the school. This is in contrast to our entire interview at another school, where the whole thing was about TV. Do they honestly believe that all the parents who checked “no” on the form really don't have TVs? I don't want to send my daughter to a school where we have to lie. That's another reason I sent her to [this school]; because TV's not a big issue and it shouldn't be. As a parent, I can control what she watches and when, and it's usually Blue's Clues videos and an occasional PBS show. But in no [local] school besides [one that's incomparable except for the fact that it's for frum girls; if you consider sending to one school, you wouldn't dream of the other] is there a rule about Pre-1A covering elbows. And I'm shocked that [this school] is turning it into an issue.

Most parents won't enforce the no short sleeves rule, which will just teach the girls to do one thing at home and another at school. That's what many parents I've spoken to plan to do. I don't want that for my daughter, and that's why I didn't send her to another school. I don't want her to grow up thinking, “Oh, these are just school rules, and now that I'm a teenager I can do what I want when I'm not in school because I've always done things against the school rules when I'm home.”

Stressing sleeves and knees will enforce the feeling that tznius is about clothing alone, not the modest behavior that doesn't attract attention. Pre-1A girls should learn that it's not tzniusdik to sit with panties showing, even at circle time. They should learn to speak quietly inside and outside so that people across the street or down the block don't hear what they're saying. They should learn what high schoolers haven't internalized...it's a chillul Hashem and embarrassing when I sit on a city bus and the girls in long uniform skirts are making so much noise at the back of the bus. That's appropriate for preschoolers to learn. The girls are five or six years old, too young to understand the reason for dressing with tznius. We want them to do mitzvos with understanding, not out of rote.

We don’t feel that children this young are acting outside of halachah when they dress comfortably in the warm weather. Parenting is a goal-oriented long-term process. Of course we want them to grow up to dress with tznius. Naturally, their clothing now should be modest—but we feel that their little elbows and knees are not objectionable. I think a good compromise would be allowing short sleeves but not cap or sleeveless, and skirts that touch the knee somewhere but not mid-thigh.

Covering elbows in preschool was not in effect when we chose [this school], and we believe that a rule enforcing the covering of knees and elbows will be more suitable in an older grade. If the school suddenly feels strongly about elbows, the uniform should start in preschool, like it does in [NJ].

We respectfully request that this ruling be reviewed, and perhaps an adjustment could be made that would satisfy both the school and the parent body, while not placing an undue burden on the children.
1. Why now and not years ago?
2. Why does the school want to move away from the parent body already enrolled in the school? If you're changing mehalech across the board, tell parents before they register.
3. What are parents like me supposed to do if we're looking for a school that's not extreme in either direction? I don't want to leave Brooklyn to be happy, and apparently there are enough parents like me looking for this kind of school...aren't there at least 3 classes per grade here? We need a school that satisfies our hashkafah and outlook on life, and [this school] did.

I feel like my frumkeit level is in the middle between those who dress babies in long sleeves and tights and those who are still rebelling and wearing short sleeves themselves. I don't really want to be in the “frummer” part of the class in a more modern school, and I don't want to be looked down upon as “not frum enough” because I wear a fall and have a TV, and I don't want to leave Brooklyn. I don't want a school where the outside appearances are more important that actual actions. That's why I'm in [this school] to begin with. Where should parents like me send our girls if [our school] becomes a school enforcing the letter but not the spirit of the law? There are plenty of of schools for those who want it, but there's nowhere else for someone like me to send our daughters. We need [our school] the way is it, and that's why we chose it in the first place!
4. What will happen after [the director] is told that girls are in short sleeves?
5. What should parents tell the girls about short sleeves at home and camp vs. long at school?
6. What's next? That's what we're all worried about, and we need a school that'll respect parents' values and educate our girls properly so that they are strong enough to succeed in the world.
7. Will [the school] try to stop girls from going to college? Will they stop striving for the incredible academic level for which [it] is famed, deciding instead to focus on sewing and cooking and the sacrifices entailed in supporting a kollel family?

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I've forwarded this to some people, including the teacher, for feedback. I think the meeting will be on Thursday morning, so please tell me...what do you think?

What's next?

2005-05-16T17:09:00.000-04:00

What will they think of next? I'm talking about frum schools, of course. Now my daughter's school wants 5- and 6-year-old Pre-1A girls to cover their knees and elbows...and I thought this was the one school left that hasn't lost its mind and become one of the "frummer than you" schools that ask parents to lie about what's going on at home. I'm so not looking forward to what's next to come out of the ruling office. Sorry, I mean the administrative offices.

I asked a lot of parents about their feelings on the issue, and all agree it's insane to make little girls cover elbows, what will they think of next. One mother is as mad as I am, so she and I decided to make up a petition for the others to sign (they agreed they would, as long as they're not the only one making the fuss). I went overboard in my fury when writing, so I had to calm down enough to write something more reasonable.

Basically, here are reasons why we're so upset:

1. This isn't the way the school was when we registered. (Therefore, let's catch this changing to ultra-right-wing extreme before it's too late.)

2. They're only FIVE and SIX for goodness' sake! If anyone is looking at little girls sexually, there's something wrong with him. The girls are too little to really understand the reasons of tznius, and they have plenty of time to be taught the rules of tznius, and plenty of time to practice it when they're in 4th grade or so. In Pre-1A they should be taught merely that these rules apply when they're bigger. A tznius issue that does apply is keeping their panties covered when they're sitting. That's something the school could work on during circle time, for instance.

3. If you make everything a rule of equal importance, when some are halachos, some are chumros, and some are school rules, the girls won't necessarily know what's really important. They may (when they're older) feel that if they wear their hair down instead of in a ponytail, that they're already "less frum" and therefore can do whatever else they want...things that really are "over" halachos.

4. Most people won't enforce the rule, thereby teaching the kids that you can do one thing at home and another at school. I didn't send my daughter to a different school because they choose liars/force people to lie about owning a TV. What will my school try to force me to lie about?

5. It will enforce the feeling that tznius is about clothing alone, not the modest behavior that doesn't attract attention. Teach them how to behave in public, like on a city bus, without creating a chillul Hashem with their loud laughter and rowdy behavior while in uniform. Some high school girls still haven't learned that.

6. The day camp most girls in the preschool go to says that they have to cover elbows after 4th grade, "like all the schools" in our area. Why does the school my daughter's in have to be frummer than them!?! (I've asked mothers of girls in other schools, and they agree long sleeves are inappropriate for Pre-1A.)

Apparently, there's no school around that hasn't lost its mind to the right wing that's taking over Brooklyn. I hate NJ and don't want to move there, so what else can I do but make a fuss about the "new direction" the school is now taking, the school I thought was a good fit? There's only a handful of people in the whole school who probably don't care about this new rule. Why would the school try to change/chase us away with rules that don't fit the parent body? Where are we supposed to send our girls?

I see this new "tznius for 5-year-olds" decree as a harbinger of more rules to come, and it worries me. Do you agree the schools have gotten extreme, or do you think I'm crazy?

Little guy's B"H fine, and home

2005-05-11T21:54:00.000-04:00

The little guy had his surgery today. It went well, thank God; I was escorted from the operating room because he was unconscious at 2:15, and the surgeon came out to say he's done and everything's fine at 3:15.

The little guy wasn't happy to be surrounded by the nurses before we got to the recovery room, and it took a while to calm him down. I held him for about an hour and a half to wait for him to come back to himself and drink enough to satisfy the nurse. We left at 5pm to pick up the princess from my mom's house. We left there at bedtime, so the kids didn't fall asleep till an hour after bedtime...but even though little guy was asleep/knocked out/groggy for so much of the day, he's asleep now!

I was going to post a detailed account of my day but decided it's too much information... suffice it to say, it was really creepy and scary to watch him go under from the anesthesia; the way his eyes rolled freaked me out. I was crying a little when the nurse took me out of the operating room. I was glad my husband was there before, during, and after; he cuddled little guy during the "medicate to make drowsy before anesthesia" time, he brought up lunch from the cafeteria while little guy was in the OR, and he sat with us for that hour and a half, and then he drove us home during rush hour. :)

Thanks for asking!

Already

2005-05-08T00:53:00.000-04:00

Wow, a mere 3 1/2 weeks after his upsherin, my little guy needed another haircut! Luckily, it's still before Rosh Chodesh, so I took him to a barber on Friday. But yikes, he used scissors only on top and his shaver thingy for the bottom, so it's much shorter than it was 3 1/2 weeks ago. Little guy has been asking for his "long hair" back. I told him it'll grow...so today (Shabbos) he looked in the mirror and said, "Hey, it's still short!"

I had a nice Shabbos, with a reaallly long nap this afternoon. I read books to the kids in the morning while Daddy was in shul, and in the afternoon, after my nap and supper, Daddy went to a friend and we went to play in our backyard. Little guy took his baseball and bat into our closed yard and played with me. Precious princess had some turns, too, but mostly sat on the swing to watch us. Then they went to see-saw in the neighbor's yard, because our climber isn't built yet. Hopefully it'll be done in the morning, before our sheva brachos brunch.

There's no ballet in the morning because the studio is closed for Mother's Day...so Happy Mother's Day to all who enjoy it!

oh, baby (again)

2005-04-28T09:14:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry if this post about babies is hurtful the readers with infertility issues, but I'm hurt and I need to vent.

I was surrounded by babies and pregnancy last week, and it hurts. I went to 2 brissim (Baruch Hashem!) the week before Pesach; one for my friend's preemie and one for my neighbor's son. I went through baby clothes at the friend's house, picking out the tiniest stretchies people had given her, to help her prepare for the babies' homecoming. I lent her my baby swing's leg braces for her (identical) swing, because her braces disappeared. I lent my neighbor a bris outfit and a boppy pillow and will lend her a bouncy seat after Pesach. I feel like, why keep them? Why not lend them out if I won't be having another baby because of my husband?

Then, on Pesach, my sister joined us for the second seder with her almost-8-months tummy turned toward me so she could lean on her husband. I had to really work on not bursting into tears of jealousy at the seder table.

And my parents' neighbor's son-in-law brought over his 3-month-old, and passed him over to me to hold. He's such a happy baby, smiling at me even though I was sitting and he'd never seen me before. Oh, the hurt. I miss having a little baby.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just accept it?

Why can't I just be happy with the precious kids I have? Why can't I appreciate that they're big enough to leave for hours to do my own thing when I want/need to, and I don't have to run home to nurse them? Because I LOVED nursing and bringing my baby with me wherever I went, that's why. I miss it. Because I wasn't given a choice, or an option, or the chance to see if I can get pregnant again before I'm 30. That's why.

pediatric surgeon

2005-04-19T17:59:00.000-04:00

This morning we went to the pediatric surgeon at NYU for the little guy's hernia consultation. Of course, it's there and needs to be surgically fixed. We scheduled the day surgery for May; day surgery means come in to the hospital in the morning, go home in the afternoon. They gave me a folder of stuff to read, and a list of books to read to him before the big day. He behaved nicely during his exam.

After we finished with Manhattan, we drove to Passaic for my friend's son's bris. Remember, the friend who had preemie twins? B"H, he came home yesterday and had his bris today. He's named after his great-grandfather; his sister's named after the other great-grandmother (both of them are my friend's grandparents, not her grandparents-in-law). Mazel tov.

Then we got lost trying to get to the Toys R Us in North Bergen, on Kennedy Blvd. I ended up asking the guy in the next car for directions. Turns out you can only get in from the other direction, of course, or from the NEXT exit off the highway, not the one I'd taken. Of course. So I turned around in the little drivewayish place on E. 32nd Street and went back onto Kennedy Blvd., and whaddaya know, there's the entrance to the parking lot. Only they didn't have the toy we wanted, just like the NY Toys R Us stores.

Anyway, little guy's calling...Have a great Pesach!

upsherin!

2005-04-11T23:22:00.000-04:00

Whew and mazel tov...we cut the little guy's hair tonight!

I spent 2 1/2 hours at the stove this morning, frying blintzes the upsherin party's guests (about 20 people) and then stuffing the blintzes with the potatoes I cooked and the farmer cheese mixture I prepared after the frying was done. After playgroup, the little guy helped me bake a white cake from scratch. Then I cleaned up. After the princess came home from school the kids were supposed to nap, to stay up late tonight, while I iced the cake. Of course, they didn't fall asleep, and they stayed up till 9...2 hours past bedtime. The princess got all overtired and crying over nothing, but the birthday boy had fun till he got so tired he asked to go to bed!

Now for the actual haircut story: I made a bunch of tiny ponytails at the back of the little guy's head, around neck length. First I cut the blond highlighted ponytail from the top, then my grandfather cut a ponytail off at the rubberband, then my other grandma, then my father-in-law, then my father, then my husband, and then there were 2 left. My mom tried to cut but the little guy said, "No more, now only Mommy!" so I cut the last two ponytails. My mother, MIL, and 1 grandma took the ponytails the zaidies had cut. My other grandma didn't want it, so I have 3 long ponytails and the blond one. The little guy's front curl is in a frame, per his request, because he wants it on his dresser. :)

He was shocked after the first snip, then smiled when he saw himself, because he looked so different right away. Sometimes he turned away while getting the haircut, sometimes he watched in the mirror, and he was definitely a little overwhelmed. But he's happy now.

After everyone went to the table, I told the little guy to look in the mirror. The "Cool, I look big" face and the cute "I have no more ponytails!" exclamation were so delicious that the grandma who saw his reflection said, "You missed seeing him look at himself in the mirror. So cute!"

Btw, babylust is back in full swing. :\

thanks

2005-04-09T21:47:00.000-04:00

Thanks for your comments!

The air purifier seems to be doing the trick, as my princess has pretty much stopped coughing! I took her to the lab for a blood test yesterday, and will find out the results next week. She sat in my lap and started crying immediately, as soon as I started rolling up her sleeve. Poor dolly.

On Thursday, I found a container of seeds mixed with fertilizer in a discount store, so I bought it and sprinkled it over the tiny seed packet I'd planted. We'll see what happens, as I got the "plant inside" advice after I'd already planted. :) It's not vital, since the grass isn't tended to properly anyway. :P

The little guy's upsherin is this week! Since grandparents are coming at suppertime, I decided that pizza is inappropriate, so I'll make cheese and potato blintzes instead. It's a good thing the little guy will be in school for 3 hours, leaving me time to fry all the zillions of blintzes I'll need for, let's see, just under 20 people, assuming the married siblings don't come. If they do, I've gotta add...6 plus 3 kids. Whew. I'll just start with a whole dozen eggs and see how far that gets me. :)

I had the black and white pictures developed on Friday, and most of them are SO beautiful. The people I know will have to see them in person, because my online photo developing place doesn't develop black and white, so they're not online. :(

Free again

2005-04-05T22:47:00.000-04:00

This morning I finished working on the quick job I accepted on Wednesday night. And I got in a lot of exercise. Hurray!

We dealt with 2 doctor visits yesterday for the little princess (eyes and allergies). My kind little sister watched the little guy to spare us all the hours cooped up in waiting rooms. :)

So, the princess's eyes haven't changed in the past 4 months, but the doctor suspects myambleopia (sp?), so I have to patch her eye a little during the week for 2 months. While patched, she's supposed to do hand-eye work, like coloring in the e, a, b, etc. in a newspaper, or tracing, or stuff like that. She didn't do well with the coloring in, so I gave her a Fisher Price handwriting book to trace. She did a few pages, and then we all played Cooties. I figured getting the pieces into the holes might count. She did NOT like wearing the patch. I walked to a pharmacy this morning and got her a fabric one, not a gluey one, thinking she might like the pirate feel. Oh well. I need to keep looking till I find a junior-size one. All the juniors I saw were the gluey kind.

Yesterday, the allergist did the higher-dose scratch test, and only dust caused a slight reaction. We have to take her to a lab now; he gave me a prescription for bloodwork. Blah. She cried hysterically just for the tiny scratch test pricks; I hope she'll be calmer at the lab.

Today was beautiful outside, so I took the little guy to play in the yard again. While he rode his bike, I jumped rope. I could sometimes jump about 30 regular jumps (or 15 fast jumps) before tripping on the rope. Cool. Last week I tried the hula hoop and got it to go around 40-something times. I'm so excited. :) After supper today I took both kids out back to ride bikes, and a neighbor came to visit for a while. The little guy crashed into her baby (who's almost 2) with his trike, and she fell. Poor dolly, naughty boy. He had to apologize.

Oh yeah, while outside this afternoon, I also raked some more leaves and then did a quick planting of alyssium seeds. I hope they come up nicely, esp. since I didn't know what I was doing. I put a bunch of seeds next to eachother because they were stuck to my glove. If they come up nicely, I think I'll buy another package or three to plant, too.

So, a recap on the fun exercise: walk in the morning to the drugstores and back; jump rope in the backyard; rake leaves; and swim at night. :) I'm feeling like I'm in pretty good shape.

Doctors appointments all the time...

2005-04-03T22:00:00.000-04:00

Last week I took my princess to an allergist, and she had the skin prick test done to test for allergies. All of them were negative. The allergist said to come back this week so he can give her a higher-dose test since lots of little kids don't react to the low-dose test. How exciting. She cried hysterically for the 4 pricks this time, I'm so not looking forward to doing it again. However, her coughing has calmed down a bit since we put an air purifier in her room, so I'm thinking she really does have some kind of allergies and we need to confirm which ones.

We're going to the eye doctor tomorrow, to have her eyes rechecked after 4 months with glasses. If there's time, maybe we'll get to the allergist after that appointment. Otherwise, we'll go on Wednesday. And then later this month I have an appointment scheduled with a pediatric surgeon, for the little guy's newly discovered hernia. What fun.

The little guy's haircut at home with the zaidies is scheduled, as are his barber shop haircut the next morning, and his upsherin alef bais party that same day. We're looking forward to it all. :) He can't wait to really be a big boy. The princess said she doesn't want to go to the barber shop, she'd rather see his haircut when she comes home from school.

Mazel tov! My pregnant friend who was on bedrest gave birth early. B"H she and her babies seem to be doing well. They're still in the hospital, but my friend was released so I can visit her. Only parents and grandparents can go to the NICU.

In other news, I saw the new movie Sin City last night with my husband. Alone, for a change. The movie was pretty good, visually great, but also very nauseating...blood splatters, etc. And I went in feeling queasy from eating too much on Shabbos. Oh well. :) It's based on graphic novels, a.k.a. comic books, and is black and white with splashes of color. Really nice and interesting "film noir"ish.

One day last week was so beautiful that we didn't need coats. So I took my black and white film, SLR camera, and the little guy to the backyard. I took pics of him on his trike, in his Little Tikes car, and on the neighbor's swingset, with his hair flowing in some pictures and in a ponytail for the rest. I can't wait to have them developed. We also went into the barber shop to see what it's like, and the little guy sat in the barber chair, saw everything, watched the barber trim someone's hair and beard, and was reassured that the guy won't cut his ear off when he cuts his hair. (phew!)

I started doing some Yoga stretches at home, when my shoulders feel tight. It really works! I still highly recommend it!

wonderful weekend

2005-03-27T13:10:00.000-05:00

Although my daughter had fever on Thursday and missed her Purim party, she was fever-free for Purim itself, and today. She's still coughing her head off, though.

We had a good time all weekend. On Purim, my kids dressed as each other and confused everyone, including my husband when he was looking at them. :) Little guy wore 2 braids, her pink striped shirt and pink courderoy skirt, white tights and pink shoes. Princess wore her hair in his ponytail hairstyle, his shirt for next year, and her old jeans. So cute! We finished delivering Shalach Manos around 3:30, and had the seudah at 1pm at my parents' house. Turns out they had rescheduled it for 12:30 and didn't tell me, so we were late, but still...my married siblings were there, and it was nice. We even got to my grandfather in Boro Park. Traffic in Flatbush and Boro Park on Purim is usually MUCH worse than it was on Friday. I was amazed. Traffic on Thursday was horrid, much worse than Friday's!

On Shabbos, we walked to my in-laws after lunch and stayed for a few hours. Nice visit. Today, my princess and I went to her school's mother-daughter-grandmother breakfast, with her 2 grandmas and my sister and niece. My mom and MIL got to meet my favorite teacher, who gave us a wonderful compliment. Now we're sitting around trying to decide what to do before going to a wedding. So, of course, we're online. :)

Too good to last

2005-03-24T08:27:00.000-05:00

Wow, half a week with no sick kids. Friday to Wednesday. Imagine that. Of course my daughter came home from school yesterday still coughing her head off (since she had that week-long fever, she's been coughing), and at 5pm said, "My head and cheeks are hot." Yeah, they were, 102degrees, of course. So at 8pm we went to the doctor, and he said, "I have good news, or bad news: her ears are clear, her chest is clear, her throat is clear, and her nose looks like she either has a cold, or it's allergies. Tomoorow, try Benadryl instead of the Claratin you gave her at 4pm." That's good news obviously, because she's not sick sick. It's also bad news, because there's nothing to do about the freaking cough and fever. Grr.

So now she's home, missing her class Purim party. And coughing her head off with fever. I HOPE she'll be better by tomorrow. The doctor said she doesn't have to stay in the car to deliver the shalach manos, as long as she doesn't go in and kiss anyone.

On Sunday her school's having the mother-daughter brunch, which I of course already paid for, so she'd better be well enough to go! I'm so sick of sickness. Even if it's minor sickness. B"H it's not something big, I know. I just wish I didn't have to take them to the doctor 5 times in 3 weeks.

In slightly related news, one pregnant friend is now on medicated bedrest in the hospital in NJ. For at least 3 weeks. Even though she said phone calls are fine, I want to figure out how to visit her, since visiting hours start at 12, and the little guy ends playgroup at 1. I'll ask one of his friends to take him home to play...and ask one of my daughter's friends to do the same, in case it takes a really long time to get home. I don't think I've ever been to the city her hospital's in, so I have no idea where it is in relation to anything else, what traffic will be like, etc.

On the "yom tova" side of things, yesterday the cleaning lady polished the silver. It finally looks nice again. :) And while she cleaned upstairs, I made a delicious salmon dish and veggie quiche for the pre-fast supper, and there's enough left to break the fast tonight.

After the 8pm dr. visit, I went to yoga and learned a few new moves. The instructor said she can do it on Sunday nights in Flatbush, meaning at my house or my mom's. I told her I'd get back to her about how many people want to do it. The problem is, I swim on Sunday night and don't really want to miss it, as my husband frequently comes home too late for me to swim on Tuesdays nowadays. So what to do, what to do? One woman I swim with wants to yoga in Flatbush, and my neighbor said if it's on the block she'll probably come. But I'd much rather do it on Tuesdays or Wednesdays so I can still swim. Hmmm. Hey, maybe the current yoga hostess will take Sundays so I can have Wed. That'd be cool. I'll have to ask...

Have an easy fast, everyone, and a freilichin Purim!

ahh, the bright, sunshiney day.

2005-03-22T22:56:00.000-05:00

It was a bright, sunshiney day here today. I went nosh shopping for a friend, sent my kids off to school, scheduled an upsherin party in my son's future school, and found out about another pool's membership. Oh, and I finally took my sister out to lunch. Of course, the restaurant we planned to eat at was still closed when we got there, so we ended up in the pizza store next door.

Then, after picking up the little guy from playgroup, I walked him to the playground and had fun with him there. Then my sister and niece came to the playground. When we got back home, we played in the backyard, with little guy riding his bike "to the aquarium," till it was time to go to the bus stop for the princess.

Good night!

Ballet buzz

2005-03-20T15:04:00.000-05:00

What a fun day! After taking the little guy for portraits, I took my princess to her ballet class. The little guy kept trying not to smile at the photo studio, turning away from the camera or covering his face whenever he felt a smile coming. I finally got him to smile by telling the Mickey Mouse's underwear knock knock joke that he loves, and my husband got him to smile by juggling. My husband overruled my "hair on the shoulders" photo that I wanted, in favor of a ponytail shot with a great smile. So I ordered a sheet of wallets with little guy's hair down, in addition to the big package with his hair up.

At ballet, the teacher (Miss Nicole) wanted to take pictures of the girls for a slide show that'll be part of the June recital. I volunteered to take the pictures, and kept snapping throughout the class. That was fun, to actually be in the studio instead of in the reception area.

Miss Nicole told me that my princess is being promoted to the next level class, even though age-wise she can stay in the class she's in. She thinks my doll will be ready to compete against kids from other ballet schools the following year, when she'll be old enough, and wants to put her in the competition track. Cool. And my princess is excited by the idea of winning a trophy that not everyone will get. (All the girls will receive a trophy at the end of the recital this year.) I love watching her dance.

Miss Nicole asked me where she can buy big kosher lollies, for the Good Ship Lollypop dance. I told her I'll look around. :) There are like 5 major kosher candy stores around, so someone's gotta have it. I confirmed with the receptionist that they want it closer to June (in other words, after Pesach).

All better

2005-03-19T21:47:00.000-05:00

B"H, the kids are both fever-free! The little guy woke up fine on Friday morning. However, he still falls asleep in the afternoon, on the floor, just knocked out. But I think it's because he had busy days. Today we walked to shul for Parshas Zachor, arrived before the Rav started speaking, and left before he finished. I returned sans kids for the second reading.

After lunch, we went to visit one of my husband's friends from shul with 3-yr-old twins. We stayed for a while, because his (the friend's) brother and sister-in-law were there. Little guy disappeared for a second, and then I saw his elbow in the bathroom doorway. He was going to use the bathroom, all by himself! (On Wednesday I put tzitzis on him for the first time, and showed him how to hold the strings in the bathroom. So far, so good, and he's gone by himself w/o getting them wet. Hurray!)

We had a good time and stayed till the kids got tired (around 3:30) and we went back home. Before leaving, I sat down to clean up the magnetic "paper doll" game and ABCs that my kids played with. The hosts told me to stop, of course, but I said, "This way I get to play too, and see all the pieces." I love toys. And I hate messes.

The little guy collapsed on the living room floor when we got home and fell asleep till just past suppertime...but went to bed nicely after havdalah.

I read a whole book this Shabbos, for fun. Can you imagine? And I started a new Amos Walker mystery by Loren Estelman, I think.

Every once in a while it hits me...I'm finished working! And a sigh of relief escapes.

Tomorrow morning we're going to take pre-upsherin pics of the little gorgeous boy. I hope he cooperates. ;)

Chazak chazak

2005-03-17T15:59:00.000-05:00

I actually finished working on the book! I sent an invoice, and everything! HURRAY!

Now if only my little sick guy would get better...

At the doctor's office yesterday, the dr. said my nieces and nephew can come for the little guy's bday party, so they did. We had it in 2 shifts because no one can coordinate, of course. I ordered pies and fries, and I baked a birthday cake and made frosting for it, out of a cookbook, not a box! I'm so proud of myself, especially since the cake tasted delicious. My kids were fighting almost all afternoon, so ten minutes past bedtime I took them up and put them to bed, even though the 2nd shift of the party was still here. And the kids were so tired, they just went to sleep without the slightest protest. :) I love when they listen.

Gotta go and finally spend time with my kids, now that work's done!

Summer ideas

2005-03-15T19:33:00.000-05:00

Help! I'm addicted to reading blogs. Too busy to write my own. Too tired to do anything else when I'm home and not working.

I'm waiting for the last bit of the big book I'm editing/proofing to arrive, and after I'm done with it, it'll go to layout. Hurray.

My daughter was sick with a virus all last week. It caused high fever and a sore throat, no strep (tested twice). And a yucky cough at the end. Now of course my little guy has fever and a crazy runny nose since Friday, and hasn't gone to school this week. At the doctor's office yesterday, I was told it's just a cold with fever. Temps are back to normal all around, though, so back to school!

I registered both kids for camp on Sunday. I decided to send the little guy all day; I think he'll really enjoy it. I'll have the 2 weeks before and after camp to take them to the zoo, etc., and he loves playing with kids and being a big boy. And I found out that his school day will end at 2:45, not 3:30, so his day's not as crazy long as I'd thought (so I really can't :) get a full-time job, even if I wanted to).

Should I continue sending my daughter to ballet through the summer? They're going to be open on Sundays, which is when she currently dances, for the same price per month. I love watching her dance with her friends. They're so tiny and cute. And now they're (mostly) coordinated with each other. It'd be good to keep her dancing if she's going to continue with it in the fall, which she wants to do. She also said she wants to go to ballet camp...but they're only offering 2 hrs/day, right during regular camp hours, so that's kinda useless. Therefore, she's already registered for regular day camp.

I was thinking about how to spend my time this summer, when both kids are in camp. I realized I can finally get back to one of my hobbies -- photography! I minored in photography in college, and learned how to develop black & white film and print pictures. I'll take black & white photos of the little guy before his upsherin, and then take the film to a "rent a darkroom" place in the city. I love developing prints myself. I went to Target today and bought scrapbooking materials and an album, so I can make an upsherin album of him. I'm so excited!!

While the kids are in camp I can also increase my exercise schedule. I currently swim twice a week (usually), and I told you I started Yoga...and feel great. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow's class. I would love to return to walking in the park in the summer, after dropping the kids off at camp, which is near the park. Maybe I'll be able to find a pool with daytime hours that's not expensive. Nah, they're going to be full of daycampers.

While they're in camp I can also visit my sister and friends who are all due between April and June. I hope that playing with their newborns (IY"H) will ease the occasional bouts of babylust that you all know I have. If it doesn't "cure" me, at least I'll be able to hold the helpless bundles of joy and give my sister/friends a break.

Here's a "funny" story: My mother told her aunt that my little sister is expecting, so the aunt said, "Oh, so I expect the older one is, too." My mother said that I'm really thin so she doesn't think I'm pregnant. She didn't say that just because my nieces are the same ages (exactly) as my kids, doesn't mean our bedrooms and schedules are connected. Even though last year I was hoping to be secretly pregnant now, by the time my little guy gets his hair cut. :-( He's really not a baby anymore, even though he's still Mr. Destructo when he wants to be. He makes up stories with me; he sings the ABC and tries to make brachos w/o being told or hearing anyone else make a brachah; he asks me to play board games with him; he turns everything into guns and keeps asking me to buy him guns; he bursts into songs that he learned in playgroup; he told me he wants to give shalach manos to his whole class... he's really big. I love him.

So...in my quest for comments, here's a recap of questions: ideas for how to spend my summer days; should my daughter take ballet through the summer; how to deal with babylust. And a new one: do you have any scrapbooking tips? I've never done it before. Oh wait, I think I had one in 7th grade, with the crazy color pages to match the looseleafs that were so cool then. But that was amateur and this upsherin album's gotta be professional. :) And 1 more thing: any comments on my earlier post, even "are you nuts, tznius rules are great" are welcome. But if you've got any "are you nuts" comments, please have the guts to sign your name. Thanks. :)

No response

2005-03-14T22:32:00.000-05:00

Hey, Anon, are you Mindy?

I haven't posted because I'm waiting to hear a response to my last post. And I've been busy with sick kids and the book. Nothing much happening otherwise...except that today's my husband's birthday. Happy birthday to him!

What do you think?

2005-03-07T23:01:00.000-05:00

I found this link on another blog. The comments on the March 6th entry are really interesting.

I don't understand the guys' tayvah at all. And I agree with the anonymous commentor who said that it's unfair that we, the women, have to suffer by being overdressed in the summer while the men can go to the beach to cool off in the ocean with bikini-clad women. Why do we have to overdress because they can't control themselves, while they are the ones who are "allowed" to go out and do what they want (take that however you want!)??

On the other hand, I don't mind the sheitel...so I don't have to style my hair every day. :) And I don't mean that I want to wear sexy clothes all the time...but some quote unquote tzniusdik clothing can be worn very inappropriately, too. Look at all the high school girls outside of school.

The unfairness irked me since high school. And it irks me today. Why should we be responsible for their inability to control themselves when they GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to see the way not-frum women dress (or undress, for that matter, online or in print or in real life)!?! Let them keep their pants on and let us wear comfy clothes!!!

sick day again and other ramblings

2005-03-07T16:13:00.000-05:00

Once again, my daughter is sick with viral tonsillitis. She seemed to be feeling better after breakfast (she was at the dr. yesterday), so after picking up my son from playgroup, we went to the zoo. Of course, her fever returned with a vengeance and we left after only 1 animal building/1 hour. :( Now both kids are asleep on the couches and have been since we got home an hour ago. :( Bedtime ought to be fun tonight.

On the plus side, while she was feeling ok this morning, I took her to get new shoes. :)

Today's such a beautiful day. I went for a long walk in the morning, then realized I have too many things to do so I turned back early.

I found out this morning that one of my favorite teachers will be sitting shiva this week, and the friend who told me about it is coming in for it on Wednesday. I said I'll go too, but I really hope we'll be done on time for my yoga class. I'm SO looking forward to that stretched out feeling!

I finished proofreading the book, but I'm still waiting for the other proofreader's work to get to me for approval. Once that's done, I think I'm really done! I won't be accepting any more work till after the summer, I decided. I really overdid it this winter, and I want to have my summer days FREE to do whatever I want. My sister will be busy with her newborn, IY"H (end of June). Both kids will be in camp all day, in the same camp cuz the preschool is with the girls' division. Yay, 1 pick-up/drop-off time, in the same place. :)

Now, the question is, should my 3-yr-old son go for the whole summer, or just half? The day is 9-4. When he starts nursery, it'll be 8:30-3:30. So...should he go for just August and let me have the last bit of babytime together in July, or should he go for the whole summer and be a big boy? (In case you're wondering, my husband's fine with sending him all summer.)

Woo hoo!

2005-03-05T22:40:00.000-05:00

I'm done proofing the first round!

Well, almost. I have to proofread one Appendix that I haven't received yet, and I have to approve the other proofreader's changes, which I haven't received yet.

My in-laws joined us for lunch today, and it went very well. Everyone complimented the food, which I set on platters before they arrived, and the kids entertained everyone. Oh yeah, and the kids let me sleep till 9am this morning! And let me nap for an hour after lecht bentching last night. I'm actually not exhausted.

Did I tell you guys about Yoga yet? I went to an hour-long Yoga class one night this week, and my back and shoulders felt so good till the next afternoon. I was able to sit straight and walk straight w/o an achy back and rounded in shoulders. They're still better than last week, but sitting at the computer for hours and hours working every day makes them hurt a little again. I'm looking forward to going back for another stretching session next week.

My little princess got sick tonight. At lunchtime she said she got tired from eating, and then rested on the couch. After everyone left, she actually went to bed and slept for over an hour. (She's 5 and NEVER naps.) At night, a little before Havdalah, she threw up. I hope she feels better with just the Tylenol I gave her.

Almost ready to return

2005-03-02T00:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I finished the actual editing and I'm almost halfway through the book again to proofread it. But I'll have to reread it all, because I'll be reviewing the other proofreader's changes. It's a good book, but I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to even blog about those fun birthday parties for my friends.

Did you ever see the Gali Girl dolls? Someone told me that my daughter's school is very into American Girl dolls...but I don't want to buy her a $100 doll whenever she decides to ask for one. (duh) I just went to the Gali Girl website, and they're $55. Dressed in skirts and long sleeve shirts. Pretty cool. And their clothes are available, too, for much less than American Girl, so if I get a (much cheaper) knock-off doll at Target or Toys R Us, I can still get the cute outfits online. :) And dolly glasses, too.

Wow, it's 1am. Goodnight!

Insane

2005-02-17T01:11:00.000-05:00

Barely time to read my email, read other blogs, and breathe. I'm so close to deadline and so far from finished the book!

On the plus side, the roofer came and fixed the dormer flashing that was letting rain ruin my bedroom ceiling. (Whatever that means.)

AAP's new breastfeeding guidelines

2005-02-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

AAP guidelines press release

While I agree with most of the new breastfeeding guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics, one in particular is really strange.

I like nursing beyond 6 months (I nursed both kids for 20 months each, and really miss it), sleeping "in proximity" to aid nursing (each slept in my bed from the first time they woke up at night, till we both got up in the morning), and "support[ing] efforts of parents and the courts to ensure continuation of breastfeeding in cases of separation, custody and visitation" (while not applicable, I do agree it's important).

What's strange to me is the fifth point in the list in the above link: counseling adoptive mothers to take hormonal treatment to induce lactation. "Pediatricians should counsel adoptive mothers on the benefits of induced lactation through hormonal therapy or mechanical stimulation."

On the one hand, breastfeeding is good for the baby's immune system, and good for bonding, etc. On the other hand, it seems so strange to try to nurse a baby that you didn't give birth to! Even if the adopted baby is now yours, your body isn't ready to nurse! The AAP shouldn't tell women to nurse an adopted baby!

Oh, wait, I just read the actual document, not just the AAP press release. Here's the actual wording of the recommendation:
"Provide counsel to adoptive mothers who decide to breastfeed through induced lactation, a process requiring professional support and encouragement." That's a much more logical statement. If a woman decides to breastfeed, there should be help available. Not "You should nurse," but "if you want to, we'll be there."

Even when I ask

2005-02-09T23:38:00.000-05:00

Even when I ask questions/for advice or opinions in this "diary blog," I get no response. :( But somehow I still get lots of page views and return visitors. Go figure.

I have something good to look forward to: 2 birthday parties for the same friend. One night soon we're supposed to meet in the city (we = a bunch of high school friends) and have fun, and another night I'll go to her hick town and party there with her new friends who were my friends first who have deserted me for bigger, cheaper houses. I've already mentioned how my friends don't live in NY anymore. :( But some friends who live here I rarely see anyway, so we decided recently to get together for all our birthdays instead of just mine. :)

Why why why am I blogging and not editing? Because my brain shuts down around 9pm when I'm not a day before deadline, so I won't be catching mistakes anyway. I worked for about 3 hours today, because I played hooky while it was gorgeous and warm outside. I shopped for Shabbos and went to Amazing Savings and then took my little guy to the playground for about 40 minutes. Why am I still awake at midnight? Good question, no good answer.

Last night I tried going to sleep early (before 10pm) because I was so tired, but I was SO tired that I couldn't fall asleep. I stayed in bed for an hour with my eyes closed...so long that my eyelids hurt. And JUST as I was about to fall asleep, some idiots started honking their car horns right outside my window. Poof. I got out of bed after an hour, and finally went to sleep around 1am. So this sleep deprivation is building up. :(

We went to a friend's house on Sunday night for a Super Bowl party. Even though I only knew the hosts (and one wife who left early), I had a good time...because the hostess is nice, and pregnant with her first kid. We spent the pre-game time in the kitchen with hot chocolates, chatting with the other wife there about maternity clothes, and how some people can only talk about getting juice boxes for $.33. Someone had actually told the pregnant girl, "You don't understand what a metziah it is because you don't have kids." What a weird thing to say. Even if she hadn't been visibly pregnant then (a point that I didn't clarify). Later, the hostess and I ran out to get pizza for the 5 guys watching the game. While we were out we talked about strollers and car seats and great pregnancy and baby websites like babycenter.com and americanbaby.com. Then we sat on the couch and watched the boring game and repeated commercials. And I had to drive us home at 10:30. So yeah, my whole week has been late nights!

Good night!

Ladies who lunch

2005-02-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

Fun time today; while I was working on my new job, my sister called to ask me to join her for lunch! We were going to go someplace nice, but since the little guy has no school today (vacation), we went to the pizza store. I had an eggplant calzone, which was pretty yummy, even if it might not be the healthiest thing to eat. :)

Then we went to my house, where my sister admired my anniversary present picture frames that now hang with portraits in my living room. And she checked out my vacation pictures, too. I love showing them off. :)

So I ended up working for 284 minutes today, from 8:30-2:10, which equals 4.7 hours... and most of it was before lunch! After lunch I wasted time online and on the phone, as usual, and spent time reading to my kids and preparing supper and doing laundry. And I'm planning on working again after the kids are in bed.

And by the way, the reason I did laundry today? My little guy had a potty accident in the bathroom on Friday afternoon, and I wanted to wash his rinsed-out clothes. Of course, while they were in the machine, he made in his bedroom while I was working in the basement, thereby forcing me to do more laundry than I'd intended to do today. Oh well. But he's adamant that he's a big boy and wears underwear. :)

So tell me, am I really a "lady who lunches" or a woman working a few jobs (editor, mommy, chef, cleaning lady) who had a lunch break?

He's toilet trained!

2005-02-03T22:57:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to mention this...but my little guy wore undies all through vacation, in the cold, the snow, the skiing, etc. and stayed clean and dry! He's done! Woo hoo!

Back from vacation - back to work :(

2005-02-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

Vacation was fun, and now my shoulder blades are sore from holding the ski-lift rope yesterday. :) And for those worried about my frumkeit, I ended up wearing a really old synthetic hat-fall under my ski cap twice, and a snood another day, and a tucked-in, pinned up pony under the ski cap another day, and a bandana under the ski cap somewhere in middle. No one said boo, even though I looked silly.

When we got home yesterday afternoon, I actually did ALL the laundry and put away all the clean clothes. I'm so proud of me. :)

I'm so NOT in the mood to get back to work. I found out yesterday afternoon that this week clothing is tax-free in NY, so I had to rush out the Old Navy and The Children's Place today.

While I was in TCP, the guy with the "new job" I told you about called my cell phone to hassle me about when the book will be ready. I just got back from vacation and had previously told him I wouldn't be ready to work till then!!! What the heck does he expect? I'm so not looking forward to working. I worked on 2 books consecutively right before vacation, and I'm burned out. 4 days off is not a break: I work part-time freelance and just crammed in 18 hours of work in like 4 days a week ago!!!!

I did work on 2 chapters this evening, though, and answered his email. Not very labor intensive, but time consuming nonetheless.

How do you get yourself to do work when you're not in the mood and would rather blog? Or email? Or read a magazine? Or play, or cook for Shabbos? Grr. I need inspiration. The "big" paycheck at the end isn't inspiration enough.

Still dry

2005-01-29T19:38:00.000-05:00

Woo hoo! We're taking undies on vacation -- the little guy has stayed clean since Monday morning, and it's after Shabbos now! Of course I'm taking Pullups and swim pants too, but I'm going to see if he can stay clean while away. He did at my parents' and the library on Friday...

I'm exhausted just from watching my husband pack after havdalah. I packed yesterday, of course.

Gut voch!

Potty update as promised

2005-01-28T10:07:00.000-05:00

Amazing! The little guy slept in his still-clean Superman underwear, and woke me at 5:30 to ask if he could sleep with me. I told him to go to the bathroom first, he said he didn't need to, and stayed clean and dry in my bed till he went to the bathroom at 8am. Hurray! We dressed him in fresh undies, and he's so proud of himself! That's Monday-Thursday without a single accident, even at night. We exchanged used PullUps for fresh ones, but they were all clean! I think (slash hope slash pray!) that he's really done!

Wow, not a stressful day

2005-01-27T20:47:00.000-05:00

Somehow, I managed to not stress out today, even though it's Thursday. Maybe it's because I was out of the house from 10-1...and found a parking spot near 3 of the 4 places I needed to go. I went to the bank, the butcher, and Amazing Savings, then put more money in the meter and ran to my 11am appointment 5 blocks away. I actually got there exactly on time!

At Amazing Savings (they're closing, boo hoo!) I bought some more knit hats. One went straight into my daughter's Fall Shabbos coat, and the other is going straight into the costume bag for my kids to play dress-up. I found my little fake hair hat fall that I bought and rarely ever wore 6 years ago, so I guess I'll let that hair stick out of my hat and not bring along a good sheitel to get ruined on our trip.

My regular Thursday work came relatively on time, and didn't require a lot of changes. :) I ordered a pizza delivery anyway, then packed the kids' clothes and my clothes for our trip. Then I put the kids to bed, and went to the kitchen to cook for Shabbos.

Do you remember my daughter's wonderful English teacher, Morah B., about whom I wrote a while ago? She called tonight, to tell me how hard my darling worked on a Tu B'Shvat book that disappeared when she was supposed to put it into her folder to bring home. Morah B. said they looked all over, and if she can't find it later she'll let the princess make another one, maybe with special glitter glue as a treat. Isn't that nice? Even nicer: since my darling left her entire folder in school and vacation started this afternoon, this precious teacher is going to bring it to our house so we can enjoy it over vacation. I love her.

More about my princess: I bought pretty notepads in Amazing Savings, and gave one to my dolly girl, telling her she can use it to write down stories. So she immediately asked for a pencil, and wrote a story about how the people in Mitzrayim were so mean. On the next page she wrote a story about a princess and her friend. Then she said, "I didn't know I could write princess! And prince would have just one s!" So cute. So I told her I love watching her figure out how to spell, and she erased the "ss" of "prinss" and added in the "ce" that she didn't realize belonged in the word. She smiled as she did it, glad to have learned a new word. I'm so proud of her.

And I'm so proud of my little guy, too! This morning he woke me at 6:30 because he went to the bathroom by himself and needed to be wiped! After his bath he refused his PullUps and begged for underwear, so I told him to choose a pair from his drawer, and he did! He stayed clean all day, even pooping in the toilet in the afternoon! He's actually asleep in bed in his undies; I'll let you know how it works tomorrow. He's actually been clean since Sunday night, I think, certainly since Monday morning, when we put stars on his chart on the days he stayed clean. He's so proud of himself!

To show or not to show?

2005-01-26T18:52:00.000-05:00

Hurray, I got outside today! Driving on the slightly slushy streets was less difficult than backing out of my driveway. I had to run over a lot of snow, but managed to get out w/o slipping and sliding. And when I got back home, the car in front of my house had pulled out, so I was able to get into my driveway again without excessive maneuvering. :)

Anyway, I drove to Target and found a cute, warm "shearling" hat that ties, covering my ears, on crazy clearance. So, should I wear my hair in braids and have the braid tips sticking out of the hat, but only as much hair as would stick out of a snood or fall? (I'll trim it tonight, because a little too much sticks out now.) I don't want to wear a sheitel to ski on vacation, and I don't want to look "sick," which is how I think the "hat/no hair look" looks. Last year I skiied with my fall and a stocking cap, but the fall hasn't appeared on the "non-Indian" list, so I stopped wearing it when I found an old sheitel and had it repaired. Which is a post in itself.

Advice? (I need to know by Shabbos!)

Update: My husband doesn't like the new hat, so I guess I'll wear the black stocking cap from last year after all. But how? It looks terrible w/o the fall!

Snowed in

2005-01-25T20:08:00.000-05:00

The good thing about this blizzard, besides watching the kids have fun with the snow at the bus stop every day, is that I actually stayed home and FINISHED that 407 page book I had to proofread! Hurray! I worked for over 18 hours on it, which I usually spread out over at least a week so that I can actually do something with my day.

Since the driveway is shoveled very narrowly and I'm afraid to try to pull the car out of it, and the roads are so slushy and slippery, I actually stayed home and worked. Sure, little guy did get some extra video time, but he also got more play time with me, and with puzzles and drawing (he can trace his hand!) than he would've gotten in the Target shopping cart, for instance. :)

Of course, now that tomorrow's free it's supposed to snow again. :( I really want to get OUT and do something; I haven't been outside except for school buses and playgroup since FRIDAY. Can you say stir crazy? Hmm, maybe someone with 4-wheel drive will take me shopping...

Working Snow Day

2005-01-23T19:55:00.000-05:00

I am so exhuasted. I started proofreading the new book last night after cleaning up from Shabbos, and worked for 3 hours. Today I started proofing at 8:30a.m. and worked for most of the day, with minor breaks for phone calls, pouring juice and making sandwiches or bathroom trips. My husband and the kids had fun playing in the snow in the backyard, while I watched and took pictures from the kitchen window...and worked at the kitchen table. And ran up and down with laundry. At least the laundry is all done and put away, and I've gotten almost halfway through the 400-page book.

After digging an igloo and a fort and sledding in the yard, the kids and hubby came in and drank the hot chocolate I'd prepared. Happily, I'd bundled them up in enough layers that only their faces were cold from being outside! They each wore an undershirt, a themal undershirt with long sleeves, turtleneck, sweater, thermal pants, sweatpants, and snow pants and coat. With hat, gloves/mittens, scarf, boots, and 2 pairs of socks. Now I know how to dress them for our winter vacation.

I haven't gone swimming in so long. Last week stuff was scheduled for the same time as the pool was open, so I didn't get to swim. Tonight the pool was closed because of the weather. I really, really, really want to go on Tuesday; I hope the streets are cleared perfectly by then.

I have to call the kids' schools and find out if there will be school in the morning. If not, I guess I'll bake a quick cake with them, let them color and then watch a Disney movie or something, so I can work on the book. Maybe a local friend or two can come over...no wait, I have to work.

So, what do you do on a snow day?

Successful day

2005-01-20T16:39:00.000-05:00

Despite the fact that Thursdays are usually my most hectic day of the week, I had a good day so far!

I shopped for Shabbos and showered and took the kids to school, and was done by 10am. Oh yeah, and before stepping into the shower I stepped on the scale, and I'm about half a pound above normal before breakfast...which is normal enough! Hurray! So I lost about 10 lbs. since mid-October. I'm so excited!

Then I went to Target and bought new duvets for all 4 beds, some clearance toys to have for whenever (i.e. backyard balls and foam football, soccer ball, and basketballs for under $3 for my little guy, and Care Bears for only $7 to either give the kids or give as gifts!), and a new bathing suit and sweatpants for the little guy to use on vacation. Then I went to BJs for food & juice, then came home.

My steady Thursday job was ready for me to work on before I had to pick up the little guy from playgroup, so when we came back I got to work while he watched 101 Dalmations. Perfect timing.

We played a little, got my precious princess from the bus stop, came home. She did her homework, and I proofread her next homework book. (I kinda volunteered to do it at Rivky's wedding.) My princess looked over my shoulder, got a kick out of me doing alef bais kriah practice (while looking for typos), and she even read some of the pages, even though her class is still learning the nekudah sounds and this book is about combining the sounds and letters. She enjoyed it.

Now I think we'll go for pizza, because I blanked out on supper and I'm too hungry. And the 2nd part of my steady Thursday work isn't here yet for me to work on. Oh, speaking of work, I think I'm getting another book to proofread tonight. And if I'm not done before we leave, I told the guy I'll take it on vacation to work on at night, while the kids are going to sleep and I'm in the room with them. :) Hey, I just got a raise!

Ha! Right after hitting Post, I got a call about another job! Sounds exciting.

One more thing...

2005-01-20T00:22:00.000-05:00

Previous post was interesting info. Here's the boring stuff about my day. :)

One of my high school friends came over today with her son, so our boys could play together and we could enjoy adult conversation. :) Hurray!

And I got the raise I wanted from one of my freelance employers! Woo hoo!

And I took the kids to ballet today, after an early supper, to make up for a class she missed. No, my son's not in the class, but the 2 of us like to watch my daughter on the closed circuit tv that is in the reception area outside the classroom. So that was fun, too.

Incredibly enough, I didn't leave the house (except for my daughter's bus stop times) till 4:40 today! I wasted time online and spent quality time with my little guy and our friends. No cleaning, besides for sweeping and washing the dishes.

Speaking of sweeping: My new Swiffer Sweep & Vac was recalled! I LOVE that broom/vacuum for my entire downstairs, and I got a recall notice yesterday. If you have the Sweep & Vac bought between Sept. & Dec. 2004, don't use it because the rotor can lock up and overheat. And don't buy it, because there's no new product isn't on the shelf yet unfortunately. :( I asked. Let me know if you need Proctor and Gamble's phone number for recall info. I'm so upset, because the Sweep&Vac made sweeping so much faster!

Interesting info on Celiac Disease

2005-01-20T00:14:00.000-05:00

While flipping through Shape Magazine Feb. 2005, I found a story about celiac disease that said it's not as rare as once thought. John Johanson, MD, a gastroenterologist in IL and member of National Institutes of Health, said, "...nonclassic symptoms, including iron-deficiency anemia, fatigue, INFERTILITY and migraine headaches, are becoming more frequent in celiac patients." ("Celiac disease damages the small intestine and interferes with the absorption of nutrients due to an immune response to gluten, a protein found in wheat, oats and barley." Usual symptoms are gastrointestinal.)

Has anyone ever heard of that or been tested for celiac disease if they're having fertility issues? The article concludes with a suggestion from Dr. Johanson to "ask your doctor for a blood test to look for celiac antibodies if you think you might suffer from the disorder."

Productive weekend

2005-01-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

We had a really productive weekend, especially since my husband was home on Monday. We cleaned up the magazine rack/corner that was full of old magazines and a bag of the kids' drawings. Any pictures that weren't dated/labeled were recycled. Now there's a folder with organized drawings in reverse chronological order, with my daughter's drawings on one side, my son's on the other.

My husband cut up and tied up the chandelier box that's been sitting in our dining room since before Chanukah. He even took it all outside with the magazine recycling.

I cleaned up a counter that was full of puzzles and magazines and miscellaneous junk. I did all the laundry. And my sister's cleaning lady came on Monday and cleaned my fridge, kitchen, bathrooms, and bedrooms. Hurray! We had to leave before she could do the living room and dining room, but that's not hard work so I don't mind doing it. :)

And my husband and I also cleared the center room of the basement out of all the boxes and piled junk. :) And we hung the family portraits in our anniversary present picture frames! The house looks so good and cleaned up, it's such a good feeling.

Oh yeah, we also built a bookshelf for the kids' books, and put it in my son's room with 2 stuffed chairs. Now the kids have a great library corner, instead of in the darkish basement. Hurray! Now there's actually a useful place to put all the hundreds of books I've bought and received for my kids. We all love reading. :)

To recap: clean house, all garbage recycled, frames hung, bookshelf built. All in 2 days. :) What a good feeling.

Good family news

2005-01-14T18:17:00.000-05:00

My brother-in-law and sister went Shabbos shopping with me today, and he asked, "Did my wife tell you that she's pregnant?" I said no, they said she is. Mazel tov. Later, I told my mom while they were there too, and my BIL said my sister asked him to tell me because she couldn't. My sister laughed and said, "Yeah, I just feel stupid coming out and saying, 'I'm pregnant.'"

I think it's probably because she knows that I want another baby and my husband doesn't. See, that's sensitivity. Appropriate sensitivity.

I'm happy for her, but so jealous at the same time. I can't believe I'm admitting it. She'll probably let me hold the baby whenever we're together. :(

So now let's see: 3 friends due this spring in Passaic, 1 neighbor due then, too. And now my sister, a month later. And a not-friendly neighbor had a baby about 2 weeks ago. But I'll have to keep my baby fever at bay.

As for my brother who got married this summer: instead of announcing pregnancy, they bought a dog. Yuck. Now I'll never get to see their apartment; I hate dogs. And Mindy, my new sis-in-law told me at Sheva Brachos that she doesn't plan to have a baby right away. So some newlyweds do wait. (They're both only 21 years old.)

Good Shabbos!

Mold?

2005-01-11T19:28:00.000-05:00

Does anyone know about mold, as in growing on ceilings? I think I need my house checked out, but I don't want to get ripped off. I think it may be affecting the health of my kids, as in allergies and constantly getting sick.

I hate having to deal with house issues, but since I'm "home all day" (yeah, right, that happens only when I've got a major deadline on a job!), I have to deal with it.

I called a few places from the Yellow Pages, and it seems you need an inspection before the "free estimate" guys will come. The inspection guys cost about $500 and tell you what's wrong and how to fix, and then the other guys tell you how much it'll cost to fix. I'm SO not looking forward to it, unless it gets me a new bathroom upstairs. :)

If the problem is caused by a bad roof or siding job done a few years before we bought the house, do we have any legal recourse with the bad roofer/sider? Or the previous homeowner? I don't look forward to dealing with that, either.

On the plus side of my "yom tova" I almost finished the book I'm editing. Yay. And my little guy stayed home sick today and cut "balloon hearts" for me from a blank paper. He's so cute. I love him. And my little dolly girl dressed herself this morning before I woke up, which was a great thing because I woke up a mere 20 minutes before we leave to the bus stop, so I didn't even have time to eat breakfast until later.

Looking forward to helpful comments,
Tova

Car battery saga

2005-01-06T01:01:00.000-05:00

After moping about missing my friends, I actually went to Passaic to visit one today (she babysits for another friend). My son has no playgroup on Wednesdays, and my husband stayed home sick in bed today, so I didn't have to rush back for my daughter. So, despite the rainy weather, today was a perfect day to go. (Don't worry, I asked my husband if I should stay local, and he said I should go have fun.)

I waited in my car for about half an hour for my friend to dress the baby and get the cleaning lady out while my little guy slept in the car. When I tried to get out of my car, the little beeper thingy wouldn't unlock the car. So I tried the power lock button, and nothing happened. So I tried turning on the car, and nothing happened. Grr. I manually unlocked my door and my son's, put his car seat into her car, and we drove away.

We shopped together in Jersey Gardens outlets, and I got a nice Gap skirt, a scarf for my husband, and some Children's Place clothes for next winter for my kids. My friend got some new tops, and then we left to get the baby's big brother. I expected to leave after he got home, at 3:25.

When we got back to the house, I tried to put my bags and stroller into my car. Of course, beeper and powerlocks still don't work, so I use the key, then go into the house with the owner's manual, to try to figure out how to get my car to turn on. Nothing. I go out again, and sure enough, the headlights were left on. Another former classmate is outside with her minivan. She tries giving me a boost, but it doesn't work. She has to leave; her baby was crying and she couldn't wait for the boost to charge the car enough. Oh, and a Coke delivery van stopped across the street; the guy came to check that we connected the cars' batteries properly.

It's 4:30 by the time I call AAA.

The AAA battery repair guy comes at 5, finally gets the boost to get my car on. I leave it running for a little, then go inside. My friend who lives there comes home, we chat, and I pack us back into the car around 6. But of course, the battery's dead again. My friend says to come back in and call AAA again.

Uh oh, too late. AAA's guy who came at 5 works for a company that closes at 6, so a tow truck will have to come. Ok. My friend's husband comes home, says he can install a new battery if we get it from the RS Strauss around the corner. But look outside, there's the original AAA guy, with a cop car! I run out...he'd hit the car behind the driveway when he turned around to do the first boost for me! The AAA guy says he'll help me again after he finishes with the cops. We get tired of waiting and buy the $90 battery. Grr.

Friend's husband starts to install it, friend rushes to the dentist, and I stay inside with the 4 kids. Tow truck comes, parks, finally notices my car, U-turns, and gets sent away. :) The original AAA guy finishes the installation, the husband pulls my car into his driveway, I pack up again and go. At 7:30, instead of 3:30. And I only needed 4 gallons of NJ gas to fill up my tank.

Happily, there was only a tiny bit of traffic in the snowy rainy slushy ride home to Brooklyn. I got home around 8:30. My husband had put my daughter to bed, but the little guy refused to fall asleep in the car. He got into pj's with daddy's help, and went straight to sleep. :)

That's my good day. How was yours?

Shopping success at last

2005-01-04T22:52:00.000-05:00

Since last winter I've been looking for tall brown boots, because I got a good deal on a brown skirt at Banana Republic. This season I decided brown is my new lavendar (my favorite color to wear), and bought a bunch of brown sweaters and shirts and skirts at Old Navy.

So I desperately need brown boots, especially because my brown shoes aren't comfortable. I finally found a pair to buy today! Usually, tall boots are too wide on the top by the knee, too tight in the toes, or too saggy around the ankles...or all of the above. And I wanted leather, without spending a fortune. Today I tried on boots at Macy's and another store in the mall with my sister, and nothing fit right. So I took her back home and went to American Place, on McDonald Ave. near Ave. O, and all their boots are on sale for $40! (Quick, if you're in Brooklyn, run over!)

I tried on a few pairs, but again, too tight or too loose. Then I gave up and tried on "all man made material" Franko Sarto boots, and, miracle of miracles, they fit! Hurray! And my husband even likes them! So I have new boots at last.

That's my good thing for today. :)

And since I got tired of snarky anonymous comments, I finally turned of anonymous commenting. Sorry to the polite anonymous commenters, but if you have something not nice to say, at least have the guts to let me know who you are.

One more point: My last post was not about being bored as much as being lonely because my friends aren't available. Sometimes you just want to talk to someone, but if their schedules don't match yours, you can't. So "getting a job" would just add stress to the boredom/loneliness and wouldn't help me feel better.

bored and missing my friends

2005-01-04T01:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just get so bored because all my friends moved out of NY, and all my neighbors are on different schedules or work. :(

I'm tired of going out with adults/relatives. I don't feel like a grown up sometimes, you know, why can't anyone my age be a stay-at-home mom, too? All the SAHMs I was friends with moved. And the only SAHM on my block I'm really friendly with is pregnant now and never did anything with me except come over/invite me over on Shabbos.

Oh, good, Riva just called. Impeccable timing!

But anyway, how do you battle boredom without doing housework? What do you do when you miss your friends and it's not a good time to call them?

Sensitivity Issues

2004-12-31T16:11:00.000-05:00

I recently read an article about infertility, and how people are too insensitive to those without kids. And how people struggling with infertility hate going to shul because either kids come too, or a man gets pesichah if his wife is due soon, etc. And how they don't like being kvater at a bris, because it hurts.

I have a question or two about that: How am I supposed to know if someone is infertile, on the Pill or whatever, or not actively trying to get pregnant, if they don't tell me?! Isn't being kvater supposed to be a kavod, or a segulah for having a boy, or something? Why is that a hurtful thing to do to someone who's not yet a parent?

A recently married couple could be secretly pregnant already, or hoping to not have a baby till they're ready to take care of a kid, or just "continuing" the Pill prescription she was on to avoid a going to the chuppah as a niddah. Should I hide my kids and not talk about them in case these newlyweds are actually having a problem getting pregnant but not telling? Should I have avoided my cousin who was married for about 10 years before her daughter was born after I already had 2 kids in 3 1/2 years? Should I not bring my kids to family simchos because 2 cousins (who are sisters and are married for 1 1/2 to 2 years) aren't visibly pregnant? The older cousin is 3 years younger than I am, and my mom was very pregnant with me at that aunt and uncle's wedding. Did her parents have trouble, or did they choose to wait? Are the girls just following in their mother's footsteps and waiting, or following with infertility? I'm guessing my aunt didn't have a problem, because after those 3 years, she did have 5 kids, with the youngest now in high school and the oldest now 24.

I understand I should be sensitive and not go out of my way to bring up my kids and show their pictures etc. around people who might be having difficulties. Fine, I don't. But if they're not chassidish (and I now have only 2 chassidish friends, since last night!), I can't assume there's a problem but a possible choice. But since I do think about my kids a lot, especially since I don't leave them with babysitters all day and I'm home with them, seeing the cute stuff they do, they are the most interesting topics of conversation for me. My kids are adorable, smart, funny, and interesting! I'm sorry if it's hurtful, but isn't it more hurtful to do something obviously unusual, like NOT talk about kids even a little, when you're at a table full of parents?

Which brings me to another sensitivity issue: single friends. Is it more hurtful to set them up with guys you don't really think are appropriate, or to not set them up? I once set up a friend with a neighbor, and I did think it was a good match. Unfortunately, she didn't like him, he's too quiet and not interesting. Well, then I was afraid to set her up with anyone else, or set him up with any other friends. Now she's "red" to a guy I dated, and liked but had no chemistry, but I don't think they got to go out in the end. He's a smart guy, but the last time I tried to set him up, no one from his house returned my call. So I just don't try anymore. Which is terrible, because I do want my friends to be happy!

When I get together with single friends for birthday dinners, or the class reunion this year, we do end up talking about kids a little. I can't help it. I try to talk about other things, not pry about bad dates or potential dates, etc., but when there's a lull in conversation, my kids are the first thing that come to mind. I won't actively talk about my husband; somehow that's easier, unless it comes up in conversation. But talking about vacations and trips means I have to talk about my family, because I didn't vacation alone in like 8 or 9 years! When I was single, I didn't travel, except once to Orlando with Riva, after my first year of college. So any trips I've gone on as an adult (I got married at 22), I've gone on with my husband (and kids, after the first year!). In fact, our vacations for the past 5 years are based on a kid-friendly atmosphere! And when we went to Israel, I was pregnant so I couldn't do the hikes or cemetery tours, etc. Once again, sensitivity issues with single and infertile friends.

Comments? Advice? Welcome. :)